Memory Loss
by justactingclever
Summary: An assassin with no memory before a year-and-a-half ago is sentenced to death. But when a special trait about her is revealed, Captain Levi is determined to make her useful. Meanwhile, she just wants to remember...
1. Chapter 1

CHAPTER 1

I slipped into the dark room, silent as a shadow, and slid my knife out of it's sheath. Closer, closer. I crept up to the sleeping silhouette, laying in the bed almost perfectly still save for the rise and fall of the chest. Closer.

I leveled my blade with my target's throat as I approached. Any second now, it would pierce the soft flesh and blood would be dripping to the floor. I would leave before anyone would notice. This wasn't the first time I had killed like this, and it wouldn't be the last.

I took another step. Another. Another. A few more, and this would all be over. But I had miscalculated, and I failed to see the edge of the bed before my foot hit it hard. I let slip a gasp of pain. The eyes of my target snapped open to see my blade inches away from his face. There was no fear in them.

Before I could move, he batted the knife out of my hand and rolled away, springing onto his feet. I aimed a blow to his head, but overshot by more than I would like to admit. I blinked, confused. How had I missed? I'd been fighting for a year and a half, and I _never_ missed.

But then I got a better look at my opponent, and I stepped back in surprise. _He was only as tall as I was._

That may not sound so odd, except for the fact that I was only about 160 cm tall, and even as a girl I was considered short. The problem with him being so short was that I was trained to fight taller people, so out of habit I tended to aim higher.

Now overly aware of my every move, I struck out again and again. He blocked my every blow, and was quick enough to counter each time. I was soon on the defensive, trying to parry each of his lightning quick strikes.

Then, all at once, I saw an opening. I kicked up, aiming for his face. I could use the force of my kick to push me backwards and escape. I felt a rush as I got close. But he leaned back a fraction of an inch, and my foot connected with nothing. Just as I was about to throw my body back into a flip, he grabbed my ankle and _pulled_. I felt myself come crashing down, like it was all in slow motion. My head hit a desk behind me, and darkness seeped into the edges of my vision. I looked up at my target's face. He looked so _bored_. Had my attack even fazed him?

Before I could decide, the darkness took over, and I blacked out completely.

I awoke to handcuffs and a cell. A guard stood outside, looking drowsy. I wiggled my wrists a little, disappointed (but not surprised) to find that the cuffs were too tight to slip out of. So instead, I took a look around the cell. It was well constructed, but there was a weak spot. In the corner, down near the ground, was a big section of rust. It wasn't large enough to escape through, though I could see from it that the bars were hollow and thin. A well aimed kick would bend the bar up and allow me to get out.

But I didn't have time to do that. Three soldiers walked into the room, unlocked my cell, and roughly dragged me out of it. They offered no explanations, and I didn't ask. I knew where I was going: trial. My guess was that it wouldn't take very long, and that they were really only doing this as a formality; that and they'd probably try to get some information out of me.

We walked into a large room full of official looking people, where I was led to the centre and forced to kneel. The soldiers placed a constraining bar over my cuffs, and there I sat, waiting. Finally, the judge spoke.

"What is your name?" he asked, sounding tired. He probably was: tired of doing the same routine over and over again. I would be.

Everyone stared at me expectantly. I took a breath.

"Axis," I said. Silence. Then, "Your full name, please."

"That is my full name."

"That's your full name?"

"As far as I know."

The judge blinked, surprised, and mutters swept around the room. The judge raised his hand and the room quieted.

"What do you mean by that?" he asked. I shrugged.

"I don't remember my real name," I said, "So I go by Axis."

I could practically feel the tension in the room. Most people didn't believe me. Those that did would most likely be groaning on the inside. Memory loss in court probably wasn't the easiest situation.

"What city do you come from?" the judge asked, trying a different angle. I shook my head.

"I don't know," I said. Now there were audible groans. Well, if they continued to ask questions like these, they were going to get the same answer each time.

"How old are you?"

"If I had to guess, I'd say about 29," I answered, "Though I could be wrong." The judge sighed and rubbed his temples. If I wasn't in handcuffs on my knees, this would probably be highly amusing.

"Who do you work for?" he asked. I could tell he was trying to keep up his professional appearance, but it was getting difficult for him. Lucky for him, this was a question with a straight answer.

"They are known as the Thorn of the Rose," I said, "They are an underground organization."

"And why did they have you attempt to assassinate Captain Levi?"

"To be honest," I said, "I don't know." More groans, and then, "If you could guess?"

"My best guess," I held back a sigh, "Would be that they are working up the chain of command."

"Meaning...?"

"My first kill was an urchin in the street," I elaborated, "Next was a peasant Widow. After that, a Lower-class family of three. My most recent kill was a Baron, though I'm assuming he was listed as having died of a heart attack. That was my intention, after all."

Gasps swirled around the room like a vortex. I caught snatches of, "That was _her_?", "Poison, then?", and "But the doctors were so sure..."

The judge pounded his gavel on the podium and the whispering quieted.

"They are having you kill up the chain of command, in a way" he concluded, "So Captain Levi was next. Why? Have you killed a soldier before?"

"No, I haven't," I admitted, "They all seem pretty good at that themselves," shouts of rage and protest sounded and the judge pounded again, "I'm guessing that he was my target simply because The Thorn of the Rose is getting arrogant. They want to send the message that thy are powerful and unafraid."

"Where can we find their headquarters?"

"That's a good question," I said, "I don't know. I was drugged every time I was taken there, which was rare in and of itself, and when there, I would wear a blindfold. Usually someone comes to me to give me my assignment. And, before you ask, I don't have a guess. It could literally be anywhere. Good luck with that."

More muttering. These people seemed to like that a lot. The judge called a recess and he and the jury left to discuss my fate. I got to stay in my uncomfortable position with my hands stretched behind my back. It felt like an eternity before they came back, though, to be honest, it was probably less than ten minutes. I held my breath.

"Axis," the judge began loudly, "I find you guilty of four confirmed cases of murder and one confirmed case of attempted murder. I hereby sentence you to death. You will be executed by titan at sunrise tomorrow."

It was my turn to be shocked this time. Death by titan? What? How exactly did they plan to pull that off? A bunch of humans located in one place would attract them, but then they'd be putting themselves at risk. Or did they plan to stick me outside of the wall and leave me to my inevitable demise? _What were they thinking?_ I burned with curiosity. Interestingly enough, I seemed to be more fascinated with how I would die than concerned with my actual death. I wasn't sure how I felt about that.

"This session is concluded," the judge slammed down his gavel, and I was dragged away. As I left the room, I happened to make eye contact with Captain Levi. His expression was exactly the same as it had been when we sparred: bored. He knew I was no threat to him. I felt my pride sting. I'd always been the best; I won every fight, succeeded in every mission. Until now. And all because I had miscalculated a _single step_.

Our brief moment of mutual acknowledgment broke, and my guards hauled me down to my cell where I was unceremoniously dumped onto the floor. And there I waited, trying not to think about my impending doom.

Eventually I fell asleep. I didn't dream; I never did. Everything was darkness.


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER 2

Dawn. Just as the first light peaked over the wall, I was once again forced to kneel. This time, however, I was facing two huge titans; one was about six metres tall, the other clearly ten, and both were butt-ugly.

 _So that's what they look like._

A crowd had gathered to watch my execution, faces full of mixed curiosity and horror. I searched until I found Captain Levi. He was staring at me again, bored as ever. What was he thinking? Next to him, a girl wearing glasses seemed to be trying to talk the ears off of anyone who would listen. I couldn't hear her words, but she looked a little _too_ excited about the whole ordeal. The people behind her seemed to think so as well, judging by their expressions. If I wasn't about to die, it might've been funny.

An official-looking guy yelled out a command, and movement broke out. Everything seemed dull and muted to me. I didn't quite register anything. All I could really tell was that they released the titans on me, and somehow kept them away from everyone else. I waited in a world that seemed to move too slowly and too quickly all at the same time. Nothing made sense, and everything was blurry. I awaited my death.

But nothing happened. The titans didn't seem at all interested in me, and instead lunged for the crowd. The _fwish_ of ODM gear sounded and soldiers began to fight them back, though they didn't seem to be attempting to kill them. Bad move on their part. A titan grabbed a boy with long blonde hair and brought him toward it's mouth.

 _I'm easy prey here,_ I thought, confused, _Why are they leaving me alone?_

That's when it happened: a fifteen metre titan appeared _out of nowhere_ from behind the group that had gathered to watch. More chaos than before broke out as people scattered every which way, scrambling to get out of the way of the mystery titan. Just as I thought I'd seen everything, something even more odd came to pass: the titan reached out, grabbed the boy from the other titan, and straight up swatted it away, proceeding to set down the blonde boy with unbelievable gentleness.

Through the midst of the pandemonium, I caught the _fwish_ sound again, and a second later I was flying through the air by the back of my shirt. I tried to twist my neck to see who had grabbed me, and to my utter disbelief, I saw the unmistakable monotonous expression of Captain Levi. He practically threw me onto a rooftop before going back to join the fray. So many bizarre things were happening, I would've thought myself to be dreaming, if I didn't know better.

I couldn't really contribute to anything, so I sat back and watched the mess with reserved interest. It occurred to me that I had every chance in the world right now to escape, but it also occurred to me that I couldn't return to the Thorn of the Rose. I had betrayed them, and they saw that as punishable by death. There was no doubt in my mind that one of their many well-placed spies already reported back to them my treason. I was definitely safer up here for now. So that's where I stayed.

Eventually, the two smaller titans lay dead, and everything seemed to calm down (except for the girl with the glasses, who seemed hysterical), and the most amazing thing occurred: the big magic fifteen metre titan collapsed, and from the back of it's neck emerged a young boy.

"Now I've seen it all," I muttered to myself. I noticed that I seemed a little too calm about the whole situation, and realized that my skin was very pale and clammy.

 _I'm in shock_ , I noted, _Huh. That's new._

I looked over the edge of my sanctuary and saw Captain Levi talking with the titan-boy. I could barely make out what they were saying.

"-noticed something weird about the assassin," titan-boy was saying. So it was about me. Go figure.

The Captain said nothing, instead simply gesturing for the kid to continue. The boy had a grave look on his face.

"She doesn't have a scent," he said. Mutters sounded around him, though Captain Levi's expression didn't change in the least. All he did was nod and walk over to the Governor, out of my range of hearing. They spoke for a moment, and the Governor flipped out at one point. He began pointing at me wildly, and he seemed to be shouting. After a few more minutes, the Captain turned in my direction and, using the ODM gear, flew up to the roof.

"You're coming with me," he said, making a grab for the back of my shirt again. I ducked out of the way, backing up a few inches. The Captain's face almost betrayed exasperation.

"Hang on, what about my execution?" I demanded, "I mean, not that I'm _complaining_ , but this is all very confusing."

"It's been canceled," was Captain Levi's reply. He attempted to grab my shirt again, and once more I dodged his grasp.

"Hold up!" I shook my head, "What do you mean, 'canceled'? What's going on?"

Captain Levi growled in frustration, and aimed a fist at my head. I dodged it, and then realized that he had kicked out at my legs at the same time. Before I could blink, I ended up flat om my back, vision swimming. The Captain rolled me onto my belly with his foot, grabbed the back of my shirt, and shot off. I dangled in his grip, mentally willing myself to become heavier. No such luck. Despite my dead weight, he still seemed to be holding up very well, which pissed me off for some reason.

We landed on the ground, where soldiers immediately surrounded and restrained me. My hands were tied behind my back, and I was roughly shoved into a carriage. I looked up to see myself face to face with a pretty young girl with black hair.

"If you try to escape, I'll kill you," she said softly. I raised my eyebrows. Never had I heard a threat made in such a quiet, unassuming tone. I tipped my head. Something was... _odd_ about this girl. She was scarred inside.

"If you don't mind," I said, matching her quiet demeanor, "What's your name?"

She looked at me, surprised, and stared for a moment before answering: "Mikasa Ackerman."

I'd heard that name before! Actually, when I had been given my mission, my superiors had mentioned her as someone to be wary of. She was top of her class as a soldier cadet, and almost as deadly as Captain Levi. If I was in a better position, I could probably best her in hand to hand combat. However, she had the upper hand here, and I had the common sense not to try anything.

"I won't attempt an escape," I promised, "Just answer me this: what's going on? Where are we going, and why am I suddenly allowed to live?"

"I don't know," she said, "I'm simply here to watch you." After that, she refused to say a word, and we suffered the ride in silence. I had no windows, and Mikasa was watching me like a hawk, so I didn't dare attempt to look out the door to see where we were going.

I did notice, however, a grave silence fall over everything about half an hour out. No one spoke, and it seemed even nature was silenced. I had a feeling I knew where we were, even without visuals: We were inside Wall Maria. I had never been there, as far as I knew. I'd heard the stories, though. It had been a massacre. I could almost smell the faint stench of blood on the air, though it was probably just my imagination.

After waiting for forever, we finally came to a stop. I was led out of the carriage into a wooded area. Up ahead was a fortress of stone. It seemed shabby on the outside, but the indoor appearance was remarkably neat. I watched Captain Levi as he swiped a finger across the table and scoffed in disgust.

"Hanji," he called. The weird hyper girl with the glasses pricked up, "This place needs dusting. Get the supplies."

Hanji leaned close to the Captain, a smug look on her face.

"Now don't tell me that it's _that_ dirty," she jeered lightly, "I swear, you get more snobbish every day."

"Just do it," the Captain growled. The corps split off into smaller groups and spread around the fortress. Moments later, I saw the soldiers wearing gloves and aprons, dusting and scrubbing down each stone.

 _This is ridiculous_ , I thought. A rough hand grabbed my arm and began to drag me toward the nearest set of stairs.

"Hey!" I yelled, "Let go of me! What-"

"You are part of the Survey Corps now," was the reply, "You get to help clean too."

Captain Levi pulled me up the stairs, and showed me to a room. Before I knew it, I too was donning an apron and gloves, with a rag in hand.

"This is where you will sleep," he instructed, "I want it spotless." And with that, he left. I stood, rag drooping to the floor. The famous Captain Levi was a _clean freak_. I could understand a little touching up now and then, but this was _crazy_. There was barely any dust anywhere, and not only that, but we seemed to be going through a deep cleaning.

I sighed, and began to clean.

The Captain came back about a half hour later, and I scrambled up from off the bed. The look I got seemed to be more disproving than usual, but, really, who could tell?

"Slacking off is not acceptable," he said, "At attention!"

"I'm an assassin,not a soldier!" I protested, "Like heck I'm saluting you!"

And down I went. _Man, he's fast_ I thought to myself as I recovered from the kick, _Nuts._ I looked up at him from my position on the floor.

"You are a member of the Survey Corps now," he said again, "So you either accept that you are a soldier or you die by my hand for either murder or desertion. Take your pick; I don't really care." He drew his blades and crossed them at my throat, "But decide now, or I'll decide for you. And I almost guarantee that you won't like my choice."

Glaring daggers, I slowly got to my feet and gave him a crisp salute.

"Sir!" I gritted my teeth, "I will cooperate, sir." Captain Levi gave me a brisk nod and lowered his blades, sheathing them. This was all very new to me. I couldn't remember a time I had been on the receiving end of anything sharp since I had joined The Thorn of the Rose, and I didn't like it one bit. The second the Captain turned around, I stuck my tongue out at him, (childish, I know) and made a face.

"Your cleaning could use some work," he noted, glancing around the room, "I want it spotless by the time I return."

I bit back a growl as he left again. This was getting awfully repetitive and boring. I almost wished that I had been eaten by now. At least then I wouldn't need to be bothered with _him_.

"And he's so short!" I seethed out loud to myself, "Maybe that's why he's so grumpy-he's got Short-Man-Syndrome. Is that your issue, huh?" I felt anger burn in my chest, "Small body, so you've got to prove to the world that you're strong? _Is that it?"_ I picked up a broom I had propped up against the wall and cracked it against my bed. The force splintered the handle, and I got a twinge of satisfaction at the minor destruction I had caused. That was something I had picked up on over the past year-and-a-half: if someone was dead, I had done my job well. The sense tended to shift to inanimate objects when I was angry, so breaking things was very fulfilling to me.

"Angry at Captain Levi?"

Startled, I spun around and pointed my broom at the speaker. It was the young boy with the blonde hair that had almost been eaten earlier. He held up his hands and stepped back, letting me know that he wasn't a threat. I relaxed a bit, still gripping my broom.

"What's it to you?" I snapped. The boy flinched, and I felt a bit bad. I forced myself to put the broom down and to stand in a relaxed manner.

"You're that boy that almost died earlier today," I said. He gave me a wary smile.

"Yeah," he said, "But I'm still here, so I've gotta move on. That's how it is in the Scout regiment: people will die-it's inevitable. But the living need to carry on and progress. Hopefully one day we'll stop the deaths."

I nodded hesitantly. He sounded very optimistic. And here I had thought that all traces of that had vanished 100 years ago when humanity was forced to gather behind walls. Silly me.

I sighed and crouched, fingering the broom. That was another habit I'd learned. Crouching made it easier for me to spring up at a moment's notice, while still allowing me to grab my weapon quickly. This one worked especially well when I had something I couldn't fit into a pocket or a sheath. A staff (or in this case, broom) for example.

"Do you mind if I come in?" the boy asked. I shook my head motioned towards the floor near to me. He sat down cross-legged.

"What's your name, kid?" I asked, mostly out of politeness. The chances of this kid dying tomorrow were very high, so what use would a name be to me then? Might as well not get attached.

"Armin Arlert," he replied, 'And you're Axis, right? Did you choose that?" I nodded, "What made you want that one?"

My eyes widened. I guess I shouldn't have been terribly surprised-someone was bound to have asked that sooner or later. I had been asking that very question myself since the day I chose it.

"I don't know," I muttered, trying to keep the longing out of my voice, "I think-I _hope_ -that it has something to do with my past, and that a glimmer of a memory slipped through-just enough to give me my name."

"I like it," Armin said, "It's unique and it stands out."

I allowed myself a tiny smile. "Thanks." We sat in silence until I heard footsteps. Panicked, I shot to my feet with the broom in hand, and began to sweep. Armin looked startled, but only for a moment until he recovered his wits and started to wipe down my window sill.

"Arlert!" The Captain again, "What are you doing in here?" Armin jumped into a salute, dropping the rag he had been using.

"Sir!" he yelled, "I was finished with my duties, so I thought that I'd see if the newcomer needed any help! I've been assisting her, sir!"

The Captain narrowed his eyes ever so slightly. He stared at the two of us for a moment before saying, "It looks much better." and walking away. I tightened my grip on the broom.

"I wish I'd killed him," I growled, "Or he killed me. Either way, I wouldn't need to put up with him." Armin gave a short laugh-failing to hide his nervousness. He was probably trying to decide if I was joking or not.

 _Of course, you idiot_ , I scolded myself, _I'm a skilled assassin,with as many as six confirmed kills. It's a wonder the kid even approached me! I've got to watch my tongue._

I looked out of the window at the setting sun, and then back at Armin.

"You'd better get to sleep, kid," I said, "See you." He seemed taken aback by my abrupt dismissal, but didn't say a word about it as he left. Just as he reached the door, I called out to him.

"Hey, Armin?" He stopped in the door frame and turned back to me.

"Thanks," I said, "For coming to talk with me. That meant a lot."

Armin smiled in return.

"Of course!" he said brightly, "I enjoyed it!" He turned around and walked away, green half-cloak swishing behind him, "Goodnight Axis!"

I smiled faintly. I wouldn't sleep for hours yet, but I almost wished that I could fall asleep right now, because what a better way to end the day than with a new friend? However, knowing me, in the few hours I would remain awake while everyone else slept I would find some way to drastically change the mood. I was very good at that, after all.

Sighing, I walked over to my bed and sat, staring out of the window at the stars. The night was beautiful, especially out here. I just wished it would pass more quickly.


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER 3

I climbed up the wall of the fortress, away from my window. I hadn't scaled a building for a while, and I was getting rusty. Unacceptable; I needed to hone my skills.

So I did. Hand over hand, as light as mist, I ascended. I passed several windows, and I couldn't help but glance in them as I went by. Many rooms were empty, but some held the sleeping forms of the soldiers in the Survey Corps. To think, just two days ago it had been my job to kill people in their sleep. If I was still under the order of The Thorn of the Rose, a good chuck of these people could be dead by my hand.

I shook that thought away and lifted my face to the breeze. Tonight, for a few hours, I could pretend I was free again. No Thorn of the Rose, no Scout Regiment, no stupid Captain Levi...

"What do you think you're doing?"

Instinctively, I lashed out a hand at the owner of the voice. Captain Levi grabbed my wrist and yanked me through the window. I landed hard on my back, wheezing. I was getting really sick of getting the crap beaten out of me. I glowered at the Captain.

"I expect an answer, soldier," he said, "What were you doing?"

"Well, I _was_ enjoying myself for once," I stood up, muscles aching, "What are you doing?" Levi scoffed in return, but didn't bother to reprimand me for my disrespect. I gave him a closer look. He seemed tired. Or it could be that the dark circles under his eyes were a fashion statement, though I seriously doubted it.

We stared at each other for a few awkward minutes. I began to fidget uneasily. Another downside to my training: I wasn't supposed to be seen, and prolonged eye contact tended to freak me out.

"Can I...help you?" I asked uncomfortably. Levi raised his eyebrows (I think), and scoffed again.

"You're in _my_ room," he pointed out. I felt my face flush.

"Yeah, well, you pulled me in!" I retorted, my hand clenching into a fist. Oh, I wanted to hit him _so_ bad.

"Why were you climbing the building?" he asked. I scowled.

"Because I needed the practice," I answered, "And I needed to get away from inside for a while. It's too stuffy in there."

"You know," Levi walked over to his bed and sat down, "For someone who worked for a secret organization, you give away a lot of information." He reached to his bedside table and grabbed a teacup that had been sitting there. There were still a few tendrils of steam curling out of it, so it couldn't've been sitting there for very long.

"What do you mean by that?" I countered defensively. Levi took a sip of his tea, and set the cup back down.

"Well, first off," he began, "You told everyone in court about The Thorn of the Rose without hesitation. Then, you spoke with Armin about your past, and just now, you told me that you dislike being inside for long periods of time."

"What?" I scrunched up my forehead, "I never said that!"

"If you'll recall, you said, 'I needed to get away from inside for a while. It's too stuffy in there,'" Levi fixed me with his bored expression, "The fortress itself is vast, and the room you were assigned isn't a small one. Not to mention, it is rather cool temperature wise. Therefore, I can gather that you don't enjoy being confined to one space for very long, especially when surrounded by walls." He crossed one leg over the other and took another sip of tea, "It'll only be a matter of time before the very walls that protect us from the titans become but a nuisance to you."

I sat in shocked silence. One offhand sentence could give away _all that_? It was true that I much preferred to be outside, but I had never considered it as a dislike for being cooped up. I looked down at my hands. I would need to be more aware of what I said from now on.

"I'm curious," Levi said, snapping me out of my thoughts, "Why did you tell everyone about your little group of friends?"

I scowled.

"They aren't my friends," I said irritably, "They were my employers, and I held little loyalty to them. Besides: I would've been killed either way, so it doesn't matter much to me," I looked at Levi. His expression hadn't changed, but he seemed almost upset somehow.

"Did I say the wrong thing?" I asked.

"You say you hold no loyalty to them?" he verified. I nodded, and he gave me a piercing glare.

"If you ever betray me or my men, I will kill you without blinking," he said coldly. I felt ice shoot down my spine and through my veins, and instictively I reached for my knife, only remembering that I didn't have it when I grasped empty space.

Levi must've noticed my gesture, because he almost smirked.

"Missing your weapon?" he asked smugly. I made a face. What business of his was it if I was? I could probably find another one I could hide on me without anyone knowing. Who would be laughing then, huh?

"Here," Levi took a sheathed dagger off of his belt and handed it to me hilt first. I took it, bewildered.

"You're suspicious of me," I said, "but you're arming me? I'm confused." I slid the dagger out of it's leather sheath, admiring the blade. It was black, and made of fine steel. The handle was black as well, and the grip rested comfortably in my hand.

"It's _gorgeous_ ," I breathed, running my finger lightly along the edge. It was sharp, too, "Why give it to me?"

"I need you at your best," Levi replied, "And right now you seem most at ease with a blade in your hand." I nodded, irritated. He knew way too much about me.

"You'll begin training with with the ODM gear tomorrow," Levi said. He stood up and began to shove me towards the window, "Early. You'd better get some sleep. Go."

I backed out of the window, confused. He had seemed to relax for a moment when we had been talking, but in a heartbeat he had returned to his usual brusque manner.

"Y-yeah, okay," I said, "Right. Bye." I dropped out onto the wall and climbed down back to my room, where I lay in my bed, willing myself to sleep. It was far past midnight, so I should've been tired, but I couldn't even yawn.

 _I'm probably just nervous about the training tomorrow,_ I told myself, _I don't know how intense it's going to be, or exactly what I'm going to need to do, for that matter._

All I knew about using the ODM gear was that it required a certain amount of flying through the air. As neat as that sounded, flying usually involves falling, which I was not at all fond of. The sensation of my stomach colliding with my brain was not one I enjoyed in the slightest, and I tried to avoid falling whenever possible.

I rolled over in my bed and, feeling hot, kicked off my blanket. A few seconds later, I was cold, and I pulled it back on again. Hot once more, I began to stick my feet out in an attempt to get the temperature just right. One foot out, I rolled over again. Nothing seemed to be comfortable! I tried laying on my side, on my back, on my belly, and putting my hands in various positions and places. Nothing worked. Frustrated, I stood up and took to pacing furiously, trying to wear myself out so I could sleep.

"I can't DO THIS!" I yelled, punching the wall. I pulled my fist away and shook it, scattering drops of blood all over the floor.

 _Maybe if I hit it hard enough I'll break my hand,_ I thought, _And I won't need to go through that ODM training!_ I beamed at myself. Absolute genius! But another thought struck me, killing my good mood.

 _There's no way Captain Levi would let me off the hook just because of a broken hand, especially if he found out I did it to myself._ Especially _if there was a way to work the gear with one. I don't think there is, but I'm sure he'd find a way._

 _"_ That's dumb," I muttered, "Screw him and his high-and-mighty attitude." I kicked the broom I had left propped against the wall and snapped it in half. Sighing, I threw the pieces out the window and into the yard bellow, listening to the cracking noise as they hit the ground. After a few minutes of waiting for nothing, I grumbled and got into bed. Finally, this time, I fell asleep without much of an issue.

" Ready? Raise her!" I felt my body lift off of the ground as the wires hooked to my harness pulled taut. I dangled in the air, body perfectly balanced. I hadn't been expecting this, though I suppose I should've. The ODM gear was strapped onto the body using bands that wrapped around almost the entire body, with the focus right around the hips and pelvis. Therefore, one needed to know how to keep themselves upright before attempting to soar through the air using one.

"She's as good at that as you, Mikasa," I heard Armin whisper. I sniffed to myself. _Obviously_ I was good at it. Balance was something I excelled at. I needed it in just about everything I did, from fighting and climbing to simply walking across a roof. But, of course, I didn't say anything.

After I had held myself up for a full minute, they slowly lowered me back down again. Once my feet were firmly on the ground, Armin ran up to me.

"Well done!" he praised, "You caught on pretty quickly! When we were going though this as cadets, Eren had a lot of trouble keeping his head off of the ground, and he was almost kicked out of training! But, turns out his equipment was faulty, and he stayed up just fine with gear that worked properly!"  
"Huh," I grunted, pulling my harness off, "Yeah, that'll do it. There's a saying I've heard: "a weapon is only as good as it's wielder." As someone who used to fight on a regular basis, I strongly disagree. If I am fighting an opponent, and we both use knives, but my enemy's knife is stronger than mine and mine breaks in the middle of combat, I will loose. Not because I'm not good enough, but because my equipment failed me."

Armin nodded thoughtfully. The kid was smart, but he wasn't a natural warrior, so he likely wouldn't see through my tale, at least not right away. The truth was, I could probably still win the fight, even if my knife did break, because that was how I was trained. But I said what I did for the sake of conversation, and it seemed to work just fine.

"Next we'll be using the actual gear," the kid said, "It isn't hard, and your reflexes seem pretty fine-tuned, so you should be good on that front. And we'll be right around you to help if you need anything! Hey, are you okay?"

I noticed that I had been shaking, and my skin was cold. I probably looked pale, too. I shook my head to clear it.

"Yeah," I said, forcing a quiver out of my voice, "I'm perfectly fine. So!" I took a deep breath, "When do we start?"

"Right away," an arrogant voice sounded. I looked over to see a man with dusty hair and a pinched face looking at me from the horse he was sitting on, "Mount, and we'll get you over there."

I grabbed the horse I had been assigned and the squadron began to ride over to a more wooded area. The pinch-faced man was on my left.

"Now, don't go thinking that you're better than us just because you're a trained assassin," he sneered, "We're the best of the best, hand-picked by Captain Levi. We're not scared of you."

"I was too," I pointed out, "And no one said that you were scared of me, though, to be honest, I wouldn't care if you were. The fear of others is of no interest to me."

"Whatever," the man made an exaggerated gesture with his head, "You're under our watch now, so you'd better-"

He cut off as his horse hit a small stone in the road, and his teeth snapped down onto his tongue, blood squirting out. I held back a laugh. I already strongly disliked the guy, and it seemed that the universe agreed with me.

Eventually, we halted in a spot covered in trees and dismounted. A cool breeze drifted through the trees, rustling the leaves and bringing the scent of a nearby stream. I inhaled deeply, enjoying the sounds and scents of the outdoors.

"Here you go!" I jumped as Hanji handed me a set of ODM gear. Hesitantly, I took it and strapped myself in, listening intently as a girl named Petra gave me instruction on how to use it. I could feel the sweat start to bead on my neck and forehead. I was _not_ ready for this.

"Ready?" she asked. I nodded, even though my mind screamed _NO!_ Petra smiled.

"Okay: go!"

Before I could talk myself out of it, I pressed the triggers and shot off like a bullet. The air became wind as it rushed past my body, and I felt myself smile. What had I been worried about? This was exhilarating!

I glanced to my left and was pleased to see Armin close by. He grinned and nodded to me, and I replied with a gleeful laugh. Always one for some competition, I tried to go as fast as I could, and pulled ahead of Armin. The trees rushed past us, blurring into streaks of green and brown. I was having the time of my life! Could this be what flying felt like?

But my bliss was short-lived. One of my cables didn't connect with anything, and I felt myself begin to start falling. Ever sense zeroed in on everything, and I could see the ground rushing up at me in terrifying detail.

 _"_ _Axis!" Levi called out to me, "Axis! Your triggers! Pull your triggers, you dimwit!"_

 _My triggers?_ I thought numbly, _Oh, that's right, those._ But my fingers wouldn't move. I willed them to press down, but it seemed like my whole body was frozen. I was completely paralyzed with fear.

I slammed into a tree, and then continued my fall towards the ground. My vision was swimming and my lungs empty. I tried to inhale, but no air came. I was going to suffocate!

I hit the earth, and watched, panicked, as darkness began to creep around the edges of my vision. I was dimly aware of Levi looking down at me, and offering me his hand before everything went black.


	4. Chapter 4

CHAPTER 4

 _Hot, sticky blood washed over my body, staining my white clothes scarlet. The scent of it filled the air, and I spat some out of my mouth, grimacing at the overpowering taste of iron. Where had it all come from? I checked myself over, but I didn't appear to have a single wound. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a dark mound in the distance. I slowly waded over to it. As I got closer, I choked in horror: the mound was made up of hundreds of bodies, and every one of them had spikes of iron protruding from all over their bodies._

;;;;;;;;

I felt a hand on my shoulder, startling me awake. I jumped up and began to lash out in every direction, unable to see straight. My hand connected with something soft, and someone yelled. Then my arms were pinned to my side and I was forced to sit down on a bed, still thrashing. At length, my vision cleared, and I could see Commander Erwin and Eld Gin on either side of me, holding me down. Looking straight ahead, I saw Eren holding a hand to his face.

 _That must've been what I hit,_ I realized. I began to struggle again, sure in my hysteria that Eren would become a titan and destroy all of us. After a few minutes of nothing, I slowly began to relax once more.

"Are you calm?" Commander Erwin asked. I breathed heavily, not giving an answer. Was I okay for the moment? Yes, but I was far from calm. I was shaking like paper in the wind, and I'm sure I was just as white. My heart was beating so hard and so fast that I half expected it to break out of my chest and run out the door.

"Axis, are you calm now?" Erwin repeated. Shakily, I nodded, and he and Eld let go. I sat there, trying to stop shivering as the adrenaline drained out of me.

"Wh-what happened?" I gasped. Armin crouched down in front of me.

"After you knocked yourself out," he said, "Levi carried you in here. We're in your quarters," he added. I looked around.

"Levi..." I muttered, "Where is he?"

"Downstairs, probably having a cup of tea," Erwin said. I felt a twinge of irritation, but forced it away. Why should I care?

"You seem pretty shaken up," Armin noted, "are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," I lied, "just a bad dream."

My own words stopped me short. A dream? In the year-and-a-half that I could remember, I had never had a single dream. Why now? And why _that_ one? The bodies with spikes-not stabbing into them, but rather coming _out_. The macabre sight seemed almost... _familiar_. I shuddered involuntarily.

"I...I'm tired," I finally said, "I'm going to go to sleep now, if that's okay."

"Normally, it wouldn't be," the Commander said, "But you've had quite a day today, so I'll make an exception. Sleep well." He motioned for everyone to follow him, and one by one they all left. Only Armin lingered at my door.

"Hey," he said softly, "Are you sure you're alright?"

I sighed, emotionally exhausted and still reeling from today's events.

"No," I admitted, "I'm not." Armin walked back in and sat on the other end of my bed. He looked at me with intense eyes.

"What happened out there?" he asked, "It didn't look like your gear was damaged. What went wrong?"

I began to chew on my lip as the memory came flooding back into my mind.

"I couldn't do it," I whispered. Armin kept silent, and I continued, "I-I'm terrified of falling. 'Basiphobia,' it's called. It must be worse than I previously thought," I chewed on my lip again, "One of my cables missed it's target, and I freaked out; I froze up. I couldn't think straight, and I couldn't seem to press my triggers."

Armin nodded in understanding. The kid seemed to be rather empathetic, which was something I couldn't quite get a grasp on. I was sure there was a word for that.

"Well, I doubt this whole ordeal will fix that particular fear," Armin joked.

"Yeah, no kidding," I let out a sharp huff of air that could pass for a laugh, "If anything, it'll probably make it worse!"

We both chuckled faintly and once again fell quiet.

"Hey," Armin said after a few minutes, "I was thinking: you should probably start keeping a day-to-day journal. If you ever loose your memories again, it'll help you recover them. I've heard of cases where people get periodic amnesia-forgetting everything after a year or so. I don't know for sure, but that could've been what happened to you."

"Journals!" I gasped, "That's right, I almost forgot!" I grabbed Armin by the shoulders, " _I left my journals!"_

"Uh, okay," Armin looked perplexed, "Wh-what exactly do you mean by that?"

I sprang up, excited.

"I have a bag of stuff I found with me when I woke up eighteen months ago," I explained, "I left it in my old hide-out. It has things from which I can only assume is my past; some objects and some _journals_. I've gotta go get them!"

I bolted to my window and began to climb down the wall, probably a bit faster than I should've, but I made it okay. Armin poked his head out.

"Hang on, where are you going?" he cried, "You can't just up and leave. Do you know how much trouble you'll get in when someone finds out?"

"I just won't let anyone find out then!" I yelled back, sprinting across the yard. I wouldn't be anywhere near as fast as I could be on ODM gear, but I wasn't about to risk that again so soon after I nearly killed myself.

After about an hour of non-stop running, I came to a stop at Wall Rose. Gasping, I leaned against it, almost completely worn out.

 _My journals!_ My pulse was going 100 kilometres an hour. _Oh, I can't believe I almost forgot! They'd never been much use before, but maybe Armin can make sense of them!_

After resting for about a half-hour, I reluctantly stood up again. My legs quivered slightly, but I ignored it and began to walk alongside the Wall.

 _I can't be that far, surely? It has to be around here somewhere...Aha!_

I stopped next the to huge boulder blocking the hole made in the Wall by the Colossal titan, and located the small space between the rock and the Wall where the angle of the break made it so a large gap formed. I crouched and slipped through, taking in the familiar scenery.

Looking left to right to make sure I wouldn't be seen, I crept around the streets, becoming the darkness itself. Finally I came to it: a broken-down home that had been abandoned years ago. It was out of the way and in absolute shambles, so no one really came across it, which was perfect for me.

I walked inside, breathing in the musty odor I had grown to know so well. I stepped over a few fallen stones and got to the part of the wall I had hidden it in. A rather large brick came loose with some pulling to reveal a black shoulder bag. I eagerly snatched it up and turned around.

And there, standing directly behind me, was Captain Levi. I dropped my bag, stunned.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!" I yelled, my face flushing. My hand clenched into a fist, and my whole body shook. Levi frowned.

"Don't speak to me so disrespectfully, scum," he snarled, "You should be answering your own question. What are _you_ doing here? And what is that?" he gestured to my bag. Almost unconsciously, I reached for the dagger the Captain had given me. Levi's eyes flicked to my hand, and he drew his own blades. Growling, I forced myself to leave the knife alone.

"It's nothing," I curled my lip, "Just leave it alone."

Levi reached toward the bag, and I struck, whipping my foot towards the back oh his leg. He must've not been at his top level, because I hit my target and he went down. In less than a second, however, he was back on his feet and he kicked my stomach. I groaned, trying my best to stay upright, and threw a punch, which was deflected. Furious, I tackled Levi head on. He detached his ODM gear as we flew towards the centre of the room. I landed hard on my shoulder blade with him on top of me, and gritted my teeth against the throbbing ache.

In the midst of the scuffle, blinded by the heat of the battle, I reached out an bit down _hard._ Teeth connected with flesh and blood filled my mouth. Faintly, I heard Levi cry out in pain. There was a tug on my belt, and agony blossomed in my side. I inhaled sharply and stopped moving, letting go of Levi. I watched, sick as he pulled my dagger out of me.

"I told you that if you ever betrayed me, I would kill you," Levi reminded me, "So this is your last chance. What. Is in. The bag?"

"Notebooks," I heaved, "And.. _.hng..._ objects; trinkets from my past."

Levi crouched down and rested the edge of the blade to my throat.

"I understand that as a member of The Thorn of the Rose, you were accustomed to relying on yourself, taking orders only on occasion," he drew the bade lightly across my throat, and I felt a trickle of blood run down the side of my neck.

"Here, however," he continued, "You are taking orders from _me._ " He sheathed the dagger and clipped it to his belt.

"Until you learn that," he said, "I'm taking this back." I closed my eyes _,_ but said nothing. Exhaustion swept over me as the exertion I gave in the run caught up to me. The fight didn't help matters at all, and I felt like I would die of fatigue. I just wanted to sleep.

"This place is filthy," Levi walked to an overturned chair and set it upright. He swiped his hand over the seat and muttered something to himself before apparently deciding to just stand. I cracked an eye open.

"Yeah, well, it suited my needs," I said, trying to steady my breathing. With great effort, I sat up. I felt lightheaded and nauseous, but my pride kept me from lying back down.

"You said you have trinkets and journals in your bag?" Levi confirmed. I nodded, to which he replied,"let me see."

"If you will, sir," I said,"I'd really like Armin to look through it first. They're links to my past-at least I think they are-and with his brains he could probably help me figure out who I am."

Levi looked like he wanted to decline my request, and I silently begged the universe to stay on my side. Faintly, I noticed that I had begun to see that he wasn't as rigid in his emotions as I had initially thought him to be. They were certainly there, and they would show on his face, but only if one knew what to look for.

 _Why would I notice that?_

"Fine," he said eventually, and I let out a sigh of relief.

"Thank you, sir," I said, dipping my head respectfully,"I'm glad you understand. I thought-"

"I'll be there too," he interrupted. I closed my mouth and pursed my lips together in annoyance. Did he need to be _everywhere_?

"Of course, sir," I said aloud, not bothering to mask the irritation in my voice. I knew he'd heard it, but he didn't react. After a few long minutes of silence, I forced myself to stand, muscles screeching in protest.

"Should we head back?" I asked. Better to play up to it than get my butt kicked for insubordination again.

"How much blood have you lost?" he asked. I gingerly touched my wound. The adrenaline and shock had caused me to forget that it was there. Now that my attention was fixed on it, I began to get dizzy. I clutched my head.

"More than I'd like," I murmured. Levi strapped his ODM gear to himself, and I blanched, remembering previous experiences.

"No, I don't think I can handle that!" I cried,"Please just let me walk."  
"Think for a second!" Levi snapped, "The terrain is too flat to use this," he whistled, and the thundering of hooves sounded in the distance. A moment later, two horses, mine and Levi's, appeared at the door.

Levi helped me clamber onto the back of Kaze. He was a proud grey stallion, and as fast as the wind, which had given him his name: an old Oriental word that meant wind.

I leaned over Kaze's back as we rode, trying my hardest to keep conscious. About halfway though the ride back, I dared a glance behind me and noticed a sickening amount of my own blood being left as a trail. Subsequently, I decided to simply looked forward and focused on keeping myself from collapsing.

We made it to the hold, and the rest was a blur. I vaguely registered shouts of horror, and gentle hands pushing me firmly towards my bed, where I lay gratefully. Someone had begun to remove my black bag, and I tried to fight them off. It didn't go very well for me, and they finally got it off on my and set it in a chair nearby. After that, I don't remember anything. I'm not even sure if I was conscious. But I must've fallen asleep at some point, because I woke up the next day in absolute misery.

Mikasa was by my bed, facing the door. She didn't seem too happy about being there, so I guessed that she had been assigned to watch me, though whether that was for my benefit or everyone else's was beyond me.

I lay in silence, hating myself. I had been trained to be an elite assassin by The Thorn of the Rose, taught to win every battle, to be calm under pressure, and to have a healthy sense of paranoia, which would help me avoid getting snuck up on. Yet, despite all of my training, I had failed all three of those in one day.

I clenched a fist. What had _happened_ to me? In a matter of a _single day_ I had gone from deadly to almost dead, and I didn't like that one bit. Something was wrong with me, I could tell, but what I didn't know was whether or not I was losing my true self, or just barely seeing it for the first time.

As I was wallowing in self pity, Mikasa glanced at me, and got up and left without saying a word. I had the feeling that she didn't like me very much, though I couldn't figure out why. Maybe she considered me a threat? I had noticed that she was ridiculously overprotective of Eren. Perhaps a threat to him? Either way, I figured that she could probably give me a run for my money if we went up against each other in combat.

The door creaked, and Levi strode in, Armin close behind him. Neither spoke, instead sitting on a couple of chairs that must've been moved in while I was out. Levi grabbed my bag and handed it to Armin.

"We're going to go through your things now, okay?" Armin looked at me. I nodded numbly, and he pulled out the first item: a silver pocket watch with a dragon embossed on the front. He popped it open and, finding that it didn't work, snapped it back shut.

"I've never seen anything like this before," he commented. I felt a little disappointed. I had been _so_ hoping that I might finally get some answers!

Armin passed the pocket watch to Levi, who barely glanced at it before tossing it to me. I caught it deftly and absentmindedly began to play with the chain, lacing it between my fingers and wrapping it around my wrist.

Armin reached into the bag again and produced a chain attached to a sword-shaped pendant with a blue gem in the intersection between the hilt and the blade. He looked it over, inspecting every centimetre.

"The gem appears to be a sapphire," he noted, "And I think the pendant is silver. That's pretty valuable, even without the sentimental attachment." He handed it back to me, and I started to intertwine the two chains. Armin began to pull out one of the notebooks, but stopped short.

"Axis," he said, "Can I see your palms?"

Surprised, I set down the necklace and the watch and held out my hands, palms outstretched. Armin leaned in close to get a better look, and even Levi seemed interested. He traced with his eyes the remnants of the tattoos that had been scarred over countless times.

"What are those?" he asked. I looked at them again. I couldn't recall what they had originally looked like, but both seemed to be a circle. On one of them, I could barely make out what looked like an arrow in the middle. Something that resembled writing could be found in traces around the outer perimeter of each circle.

"Just another mystery from the past," I sighed, "I have another tattoo as well. Would you like to see that one too?"

"If you can show us," Armin said, "Yes. It might be important."

I nodded and pulled up the sleeve on my left arm. About halfway up my forearm was an odd looking black mark about the size of my fist. Though not really sure what the symbol was, I thought it looked like a phoenix with a hooked beak and a pointed tail.

"What is it supposed to be?" Armin asked. I shrugged.

"I'm as clueless as you," I said. I flicked my hand toward the bag, "C'mon, let's move onto the notebooks!" I felt excitement begin to flare in my belly. Maybe this was it! Maybe this was the day I finally regained my memory; when I would find out who I was!

Armin took out a shorter one with a soft, black leather cover. On the inside of the cover, I saw, painted in white, a snake with wings on a cross of sorts. Slowly, with the anticipation building, we turned to the first page. There was a minute of tense silence, then: "I can't read it."

I felt my spirit crush into a hundred pieces. Armin couldn't read it either? So it wasn't just me. Until now, I had always had the sneaking suspicion that The Thorn of the Rose had taught me a different written language than was commonly used. The fact that neither Armin nor Levi could read it confirmed that my beliefs were unfounded.

We opened the second one. This one was taller with w plain blue cover. Inside there were hand-drawn images of some strange red symbols and the same mark I had on my arm. However, try as we might, no one could translate a single word.

I carefully set everything back into the bag and slid it under my bed.

"Thanks for trying to help," I told Armin, "You're a good friend. However!" I clapped my hands together, "I am absolutely tired and I'd like to sleep. If that's okay," I turned to Captain Levi, who gave me a small nod. He and Armin left, and I watched them go, listening until their footsteps were too far away to hear.

And then I buried my face in my hands and cried.


	5. Chapter 5

CHAPTER 5

I held the necklace in my hand, looking into the depths of the sapphire and admiring the way the light glittered off of it's facets. Not for the first time, I wondered where I had gotten it. Maybe it was from my parents, and they had given it to me as a present for my birthday? Maybe it was from a boyfriend who had died in the breach of Wall Maria. Or, perhaps it was a family heirloom, passed down for generations!

Which left me to think: did I even like wearing necklaces? I hadn't worn one for the eighteen months I could remember, because it would've only served as a nuisance and a possible health hazard if I got into a fight. No jewelry was the safest option.

I slipped the necklace over my head. The pendant was heavier on my neck than I had anticipated, and I couldn't decide whether it was comfortable or not. I figured I'd wear it all day before deciding if I liked it.

But just as I was about to put it on, I hesitated. What If I lost it? That would be like losing a part of my identity! I lowered my hands and put the necklace away, back in my bag. I had done the same thing with my pocket watch moments before, and I had come to the same conclusion: the sense of happiness I got from the objects wasn't worth losing them forever.

I sat for a moment, doing nothing. I didn't want to attend the meting today. In fact, all I really felt like doing was sleeping. I'd had those days in the past: I'd wake up, get some water, and immediately go back to sleep. Then, throughout the day, I would wake up to eat or use the restroom, or whatnot, and I would continue my hibernation. I had always woken up the next day feeling refreshed, so I would often do things like that the day after a kill as a little reward for myself.

Sighing heavily, I stood up and walked down the stairs. I was the last person to sit at the table, and the only place left was next to Captain Levi. I toyed with the idea of asking someone to move, but it seemed like everyone was getting impatient, so I kept my trap shut and sat down.

"So," Commander Erwin began, "Here's what's going to happen tomorrow. We will take up the avoidance formation and venture out near the woods. I've heard some rumors of a strange titan being sighted recently, and although they probably hold no stock, it's still a good idea to check them out," he stood up and passed around some papers, "Here are your teams and responsibilities."

I reached up to take mine but the Commander passed over me. A little confused and unsure, timidly, I raised my hand as he sat back down. Erwin cocked his eyebrow at me, seeming more than a little amuse at my awkward behaviour.

"Yes, Axis?"

"Um, I didn't get my assignment," I said, "Does that mean I'm staying here?"

"On the contrary," Erwin said, "Out east a-ways there was a research team that went to study the titans' habits outside of captivity. They are presumed dead. However," he paused to take a breath, "We believe that their findings may still be intact. You are to go out there and collect it."

"By myself?" I shrieked, "That's suicide!"

"No it's not," Levi took a sip of tea. I looked at him, bewildered.

"No disrespect intended, sir," I hissed through clenched teeth, "But I'm pretty sure going out in the open _by myself_ would be considered suicide by anyone _sane_."

Levi scoffed.

"You don't have a scent to the titans," he said, "You'll be fine. Having anyone else with you would simply put you in danger. Actually, a big reason we're all taking that little _escapade_ in the opposite direction is to decrease the chances of them actually coming across you in the first place. Feel special yet? This whole thing revolves around _you_."

I sat, shocked. Everyone stared at me, and I shrank into my seat. I remembered that Eren had mentioned that 'that assassin' didn't have a scent, but I guess I hadn't really registered it then.

"Any questions?" Commander Erwin looked around the group. I raised my hand again.

"I won't be expected to use the ODM gear, will I?" I asked, "Because, I'm not sure I'm mentally prepared for that."

"Do you _ever_ think?" Levi grabbed a fistful of my hair and turned my head to face his, "Use your brain for once. _It's too flat_. You'll be riding."

His breath was hot on my face, and I wrinkled my nose.

"Yeah, I got it," I growled, "Will you let go? This hurts."

Levi released my hair and took another drink of tea. What was _wrong_ with him? Did he have to be so _freaking physical?_ I rubbed my head and glared at him reproachfully.

"Meeting adjourned," Erwin concluded, "Time for training."

Everyone stood up and began to move away from the table, going off in their separate directions until the only ones left were Armin and myself. Armin wandered over to me.

"You look like you want to vent," he suggested lightly, "Is it about Captain Levi?" I clenched my fist, desperately wishing that I had a blade.

"He's _so annoying,_ treating me like an idiot," I seethed, "His stupid face...does he even know what a smile is? And he straight up pulled my hair! _Ow!_ Why did I have to sit next to him, anyway? I figured for sure that place would've been taken by Petra or Oluo. Come to think of it," I paused, thinking, "Huh. That's weird. Why _was_ that chair empty?"

"I overheard him telling people not to sit there," Armin said, "My guess is he wanted to make you uncomfortable."

"Whaaa'?" I felt my jaw drop, "That sadistic little... I'll have his head!" I kicked the wall and winced as my toes started to throb.

"Careful," Armin looked worried, "You're still not fully healed. It's only been a couple of weeks, and we don't want you to reopen the wound."

I touched my side, delicately running my fingers along the sutures. The stab wound was healing well, and Hanji (who, for some reason, was in charge of the medical stuff) said she would be able to remove them safely next week.

"Well, if that's the case, why am I being forced to ride a horse for miles on end?" I growled, "That's just as dangerous."

"No one's forcing you to work with us," Armin said, "You have other options. You could hide in the city again, as you already have experience with that. Or, because you don't have a scent you'll be safe from the titans, so you could venture out into the world. Personally," he smiled, "I rather enjoy having you in the Scout Regiment. You're fun to talk to, even if you do complain a lot, and you put a new perspective on things. I think you should stay, but it's up to you, in the end."

I fell silent, a warm glow spreading through my chest. Was this what people knew as "feeling touched"? I had talked to Armin quite a bit since joining the Scouts, and I considered us to be close, despite the ridiculous age gap, but this was the first time I really grasped that he thought of me as a friend as well.

 _My first friend is fourteen years younger than me,_ I realized, _That's a bit weird._ But I smiled anyway.

 _At least I_ have _a friend._

"I'll stay," I assured him, "Sorry to gripe so much, but the Captain does seem to go out of his way to torment me."

"Maybe he's falling for you," Armin proposed, giving me a half-smirk. I rounded on him, fury boiling in my blood.

"Don't you _ever_ suggest that again," I snarled, "Oh, that makes me _sick_."

"Relax!" Armin backed up a few centimetres, "I was just kidding."

"Yeah, you'd better be," I grumbled. I ran a hand through my hair and puffed out my cheeks.

"Well," I said, walking up the stairs, "I'd better get ready for the ride tomorrow. Pack some stuff, probably get some food for me and Kaze. I'll need to be prepared in case I get lost, or the journey is longer than I anticipate. I'll need a knife, of course, and probably some rope. Lots of water, obviously. Can't live without that."

"Sounds like you have it all covered," Armin said, "You can get it all together later. There's a group outside practicing hand-to-hand combat; that seems like something you'd enjoy."

"That is my kind of thing!" I said, cheering up a bit, "Okay, I'll join you in a moment, I just need to do something really quick. See you outside, okay?"

Armin nodded and we parted ways. I climbed the rest of the stairs, grateful to have some space to myself, even if it was only for a few minutes. I was accustomed to being alone, and the past while I'd spent with the Survey Corps taught me that my emotional energy drained very easily when I was around other people, especially if engaged in small talk.

So I sought "me-time" whenever I could. That was all I really needed right now: recharge. Of course, a few minutes wasn't near long enough to do anything good, but it was all I could get, so it was what I took.

I stepped into my room, thinking about the meeting. That research data would hopefully help us get a step farther in our knowledge of the titans, and that meant we'd eventually get the upper hand and humanity would _win_ this battle!

I beamed to myself. Armin's optimism must've rubbed off on me a bit. Optimism was always something I had avoided because it could be dangerous. I tended to have what would be considered a realist's view, and I lived by a saying: "Hope for the best, expect the worst, and prepare for both". It seemed to work well enough.

I picked up the pocket watch again and ran my finger over the embossing. What could it mean? I was pretty sure I had never heard mention of dragons in my eighteen months, but how else would I know what it was?

I popped it open. The hands were stuck pointing to 1:52, and they had been like that since I woke up. I wondered briefly why it had stopped. I couldn't seem to wind it, and I couldn't get into the back of it to see how it was powered either. Where did I get it? The theory of the family heirloom would work better with it than it would with the necklace, but because I didn't have anything solid, I didn't try to think about it very much.

I sighed. I set the watch back down and peered out of my window. Down below, like Armin had said, a group was working heavily on hand-to-hand. Mikasa was kicking butt, to no one's surprise. Eren went after his opponent with too much fire, and was blinded by his excitement. Armin seemed to not be doing so well: he attacked too weakly and his defense was almost non-existent. I shook my head and began to climb down the wall.

I hit the ground without anyone noticing, which made me very happy. I interrupted a one-sided spar between Petra and Armin.

"Excuse me Petra," I said, "Do you mind if I borrow your sparring partner?"

Petra shrugged and I grabbed Armin's wrist and pulled him away to an open spot. Once we were clear of everyone else I took up an defensive stance.

"Alright," I said, "Attack me!"

Armin hesitated for just a moment before running at me. He made a move like he was ready to strike me, but before he could come close to it, I hit him in the abdomen with my arm and flipped him over onto his back. He groaned, eyes rolling into the back of his head.

"Sorry," I mumbled, "I guess I was a little too aggressive with you," I held out my hand and helped him up, "Maybe it'll be better if we we try this the other way around with a little more guidance from me. Here," I chose another position, hands in fists and and arms held in front of my chest, "Do that exactly and don't stop."

Armin followed suit, and I faced him.

"Ready?" I called, "GO!"

I kicked out at him and my foot hit his arms, stopping. Armin flinched, but didn't drop his arms. I grinned.

"Well done!" I praised, lowering my foot, "That's a parrying position used against the same attack I showed you. For educational purposes, we'll call it P1, okay? Over the course of today's training, I won't use my full abilities because I don't want you to break anything, but as long as you're learning it should be good."

"Thanks,"Armin said, gratitude glimmering in his eyes, "I really needed this."

"Yeah, I know," I smirked, "But that's okay. In battle, it is not only important to know your enemy's weaknesses, but your own as well. If you don't know what you can't do, your chances of getting killed increase greatly. Now do this," I showed him another stance. We worked on defensive combat for hours until the sun set.

"You're doing a lot better," I said warmly, "Congratulations!"

"Thanks," Armin rubbed his neck, "I'm glad you have some faith in me because I don't feel like I'm progressing at all."

"Sometimes it takes an outsider's eye," I said, "C'mon, let's go back inside and get some rest. And some food. I'm starving!"

"Can you cook?" Armin asked curiously as we stepped over the threshold. I though for a moment.

"Good question," I said, "It's entirely possible that I'd learned before I lost my memory, but as an assassin I never needed to; actually, all that supplies required to cook would just get in the way, especially if I needed to move at a moment's notice. I would usually just eat cold rations, or if a target of mine had hot food at the ready I'd take it after the kill. That was about my knowledge of food. The stuff we have here is for for royalty in comparison!" I laughed as we sat down, "Anyway, let's eat!"

;;;;;;;;;;;

Back in my room I laid in my bed, twirling the necklace chain around my fingers. I didn't usually handle the necklace or the pocket watch, but they had been giving me such satisfaction lately. I was getting closer to the answers, I could _feel_ it.

"You better be done packing if you have time to lounge."

I jolted, startled, and groaned when I registered exactly who it was.

"Captain," I greeted politely, sitting up, "Yes, I'm ready. My saddlebags and my back-bag are full of anything I might need, or so I hope."

Levi nodded. I expected him to say something condescending, but he didn't speak at all. Instead, we lapsed into a comfortable silence, both of us focused only on the thoughts in our own heads. I snuck a glance at the Captain. He was leaning against the door frame with his arms folded and his eyes to the ceiling, probably thinking about tomorrow and the horrors it would bring.

A sudden, crushing guilt slammed down onto my shoulders. Levi had said that part of the reason they had coordinated the expedition to fall at the same time as my solo mission was so my risk of running into titans would be greatly reduced. If anyone died, would everyone blame me? Would _I_ blame me? I had never really dwelt over the deaths of others before. I had killed for a living, so I had learned to be heartless and cold.

 _So why would I care now?_

"Oh, you'll probably need this," Levi said, walking over to me. I looked up at him, and he handed me the dagger. I tried my best not to look too eager when I took it from his grasp, though I'm sure he'd seen right through me.

"Does this mean you trust me?" I ventured. Levi snorted.

"Don't flatter yourself," he sneered, "You'll need to do more than just be willing to go out and retrieve something to gain my trust. But, tell you what: return with the research, and I might think about liking you."

"Oh, goody," I muttered, "So what _do_ I have to do in order for you to start trusting me?"

Levi looked me directly in the eye.

"You'd need to save my life," he said coolly. He turned toward the door, "Good luck with that." I watched him as he left, half-cloak swishing to the rhythm of his steps.

 _He's rather odd,_ I decided, twirling my blade through my fingers. The repeated motion combined with the comforting weight of the knife was almost hypnotic. I yawned, my small mouth stretching almost to it's limits, and fell asleep with the dagger in hand.


	6. Chapter 6

CHAPTER 6

Kaze pranced skittishly as Commander Erwin rode closer, the rest of the Survey Corps following close behind him. A weird feeling, like a mass of wriggling snakes, settled in my belly. Was I ill? Surely that was impossible.

"Listen up, you," I whispered to myself, "Now is not the time to be getting sick."

The wriggly feeling got more intense as the Corps approached, and then stopped all at once. I flicked my eyes over the whole group, and, deliberately avoiding eye contact with Levi, looked straight at Armin. We shared a timid smile.

"Axis," Erwin began, "Are you ready?"

"Sir!" I gave him a crisp salute, "Yes, sir!"

"Very well," he said briskly, "Then this is where we part ways. Bring back that research, if you can. If you can't, at least bring back yourself."

"Aye, sir!" I saluted again, and an odd, prickly feeling crawled up the back of my neck. Something about that phrase seemed _wrong_ coming out of my mouth, like I was intruding on someone else's private sentence.

I shook the feeling, and, after waving goodbye to Armin, kicked off in the opposite direction towards the plains. I made sure not to ride too hard, in fear of splitting open my wound. Hanji had made sure to tell me-in great detail-that if I was too vigorous in my movements I would cause more damage than Levi had in the first place and death by infection would be almost inevitable.

Kaze kept up a swift trot as we entered the plains. He was a good horse, specifically bred to withstand extreme temperatures, endure long running distances, and to stay hydrated longer. Sturdy, strong, and stubborn, Kaze matched me well.

We'd been riding for a while when I began to get drowsy. There wasn't really any variation in the terrain at all, and the most exciting thing out I saw was probably a bush that was a good 60 centimetres larger than the other ones I'd seen. I couldn't think of anything to I could do to stave off the boredom and my eyes were just getting heavier and heavier...

No! I had to stay awake. Everyone was counting on me. Levi had said that the whole thing revolved around me making it to the site and bringing back the data. So much depended on that.

 _You are the axis of this entire operation._

The phrase sparked in my head and I almost fell off of Kaze. _Axis_...the name I had chosen for myself.

 _...the axis of this entire operation..._

Broken images flooded my mind. An eye with strange red markings below and above it; a swish of a red coat; an intense blue light...

I clutched my head, gasping, and pulled Kaze to a halt. What _was_ that? I had never seen anything like that since I woke up. Could it be a memory of _before?_

I felt my heart skip a beat and a thrill of excitement ran through me. A memory! But what could it mean? The flashes were so _random._ I couldn't recall seeing any sort of light either here or back in Wall Rose that was that bright or that blue, and the coat I saw didn't match any sort of fashion I had ever come across, even in the higher class. As for the eye with the markings: could I have been in some sort of cult?

"If that's the case, not much has changed," I noted to myself, chuckling. Kaze nickered impatiently, and I stroked his neck.

"Hold on, boy," I murmured, "Let me write this down really quick, and then we'll be off."

I pulled a notebook out of my pack. I had taken Armin's advice and had begun writing in it day-by-day. I had decorated the cover of it with green fabric and an embroidering of the Wings of Freedom in hopes that if I lost my memory again I'd be able to recognize it easily.

I scribbled down the experience quickly and tucked it away, almost quivering with the exhilaration. I couldn't wait to tell Armin and see what he made of it.

Unfortunately, I would have to. I had an important quest to fulfill, and _everyone_ was counting on me.

"I am the _Axis_ of this operation," I whispered, smiling, "This whole thing revolves around me..."

;;;;;;;;;;;;;

I leaned against the rock and took a long drink of water. Beside me, Kaze followed suit, his huge, majestic head dripping with sweat. We hadn't ridden very hard, but we had traveled for many kilometres and he had become fairly tired. Even though I hadn't been the one running, I too could feel the distance taking toll on my muscles.

I reached down to my side and very tenderly prodded it, wincing as it smarted. I lifted my shirt to check on it. None of the sutures had come out, to my utter relief, though it did look a little too red. Fearing infection, I hesitantly poured some of my limited water on it. The cold water against the inflamed flesh felt incredibly soothing.

I glanced up at the darkening sky. The first stars were beginning to glitter through the atmosphere, little sparks of light that barely broke through the blackness. There was a new moon tonight, so the darkness would be almost complete.

I fingered the handle of my dagger. Though I apparently didn't have a scent to the titans, I couldn't guarantee my safety when it came to wild animals. I would need to be alert. Thankfully, I was a light sleeper, as was Kaze. If anything came too close, we'd know pretty quickly.

All the same, I positioned myself on my side with my back to the rock, dagger in hand. Sleeping like that would keep my back relatively safe, with easy defense to my front. It was the sleep of someone trained to be paranoid.

I felt my eyes begin to droop. I had noticed that ever since I had joined the Survey Corps my sleeping pattern had conformed to what one would consider "normal". Late nights were happening less and less, and I was getting up earlier. So much many of my little quirks I had developed during my training with The Thorn of the Rose had vanished because of my training with the Scouts. Funny how things like that worked.

I yawned, and closed my eyes, letting sleep wash over me.

;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

 _Flames licked the black sky, giving everything a harsh orange glow, and thick, black smoke filled the air. The sound of violent coughing surrounded me, though I couldn't see anyone nearby, and I wrinkled my nose as the stench of charred flesh hit me._

 _A cold, harsh laugh sounded next to me, and I turned to face the source, but I couldn't see through the smoke. A blur of white flashed out of the corner of my eye. I spun, but there was nothing there. My lungs began to burn from the ashes, and there was a sharp. shooting pain..._

;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

I jolted awake, dagger at the ready. Something had startled me, and I could see that Kaze was spooked as well. Slowly, I got to my feet and assumed a protective stance. The grass rustled to my left, and a jackal appeared, yellow eyes glowing in the dark. It stared at me unblinking, and then calmly turned around and left. I let out the air I hadn't realized I'd been holding.

"That was a close one, eh, Kaze?" I joked, my voice sounding thunderous in the still of the night. Kaze nickered in response, and I patted his neck reassuringly. Over on the horizon, a sliver of pinkish light appeared.

"Too late to go back to sleep now," I noted. I began to dig around in my pack until I had produced a small loaf of bread. I bit into it hungrily, enjoying the taste of the herbs that had been baked onto the crust. Then, pulling out oats for Kaze, I sat back and watched the sunrise. There was something almost magical about witnessing a single stroke of sunlight grow broader and broader until it lit the entire sky.

After Kaze was done eating, we rode off towards the sun. The night of rest had done me a world of good, and since I had woken up with adrenaline in my veins, I was wide awake. My senses were alert as I scanned the plains for any sign of a camp.

I found it sooner than I had expected. The stench of blood washed over me, making my nose burn. As I got closer, I could see half of a rotting corpse lying on the ground near the remains of a campfire at an awkward angle. The flesh was so corrupted that I couldn't even make out the gender, much less any recognizable details that would help identify who it could've been.

I rode past, scratching Kaze's mane when he began to get nervous from the smell of death. We walked around an estimated perimeter of the camp, my eyes raking the scene for anything that looked important.

 _There!_

I dismounted and ran over to a little grey book that was wedged spine-up between the crack in the rock. Whoever had shoved it there must've done it on purpose, because the cover of the book was almost exactly the same shade as the stone. If I hadn't been looking for it, it might've escaped my notice altogether.

I carefully pulled it out, cringing as the rough surface of the rock scraped harshly against the book. Just inside, on the back of the cover, it read: _These are the findings of Ada Fischer and Keifer Schmidt. We know neither of us will make it back alive to relay these ourselves, so we ask that whomever finds this book take it to Commander Erwin of the Scout Regiment. Our thanks go with you._

I tucked the book into my bag and scanned the area for anything else. Nothing caught my eye. I turned around and called to Kaze.

"Let's go," I cried, kicking him into a light run. We rode like that for several hours, and I began to get anxious. If I could just go faster...

That's when I saw it: off in the distance, coming towards me, was a huge 15 metre titan. Unlike the usual awkward movements of most titans, this one ran a lot like a human, leaning forward at the torso with its arms pumping.

As the creature drew closer, I noticed something else odd about it. While titans didn't appear to have genders, they mostly resembled human males. This one, however, was quite clearly female. She had long, blonde hair as well; every other titan had brown hair.

As I was observing her, she looked directly at me, sending shivers down my spine. Levi said I would have no interest to the titans because they couldn't smell me. Surely this was a coincidence?

The female titan raised her foot and brought it crashing down over me. I yanked on Kaze's reins and we veered off just enough to avoid getting stuck to the bottom of her foot. She stomped toward me again and again, and each time I noticed that I got a little bit farther off of my course. In fact, she didn't seem terribly interested in actually killing me, just getting me to stray.

I tried to tug Kaze back to where we should've been going, but the titan stepped in our way. Again and again, we tried to fix our route, and again and again we were blocked from our path by her gigantic foot.

Yelling in frustration, I spurred Kaze to go faster. The big horse pushed and we pulled in front of the titan anomaly, but he was exhausted and she caught up to us. I prepared to dodge another stomp, but instead her foot came at us from the side and she caught Kaze in the ribs, kicking us away from her.

We soared through the air, and as we began to descend I felt the terror of the fall grip me in its icy fingers. Blind with panic, I couldn't see properly when we landed, and I rolled across the dry ground for a while before I came to a stop.

I got up on my hands and knees, dizzy. I couldn't see Kaze or the female titan anywhere. Where was I? What direction was the fortress in? Everywhere looked the same. Grass here, grass there, and sky above. In The Thorn of the Rose I had been taught astrology and how to navigate using the stars, but I hadn't thought it much use so I had never paid attention.

 _What will I do?_

A wave of nausea came over me, and I puked, stomach clenching. Sweat beaded my brow and began to drip down my back as I vomited a few more times, ridding myself of the contents of my belly. Bile was all that came up the last time.

Heaving with fatigue I collapsed onto my side. I managed the strength to roll a few paces away from the sick so I could avoid the vile smell and catch my breath.

 _What do I do, what do I_ do _?_

"Okay," I gasped out loud, "Let's think through this. Judging from the ride there, I'm about a day's ride back to the fortress. That would probably be double on foot, so two days. And once I'm in the general area, I can go in a more lateral direction and hopefully find our headquarters that way. Or," I chewed on my lip for a moment, "I could begin traveling diagonally towards the sunset. That would probably be faster, even if just a little. Of course, If I can find Kaze, that's be even better."

I pursed my lips blew out, creating a shrieking, high-pitched whistle that fell flat upon the open area. I waited, hoping to hear the pounding of hooves against the earth. But nothing came. I whistled three more times, and each one was met with silence.

 _No..._

I took a shuddering breath, blinking back tears. Kaze had been a good companion, but I couldn't expect him to have survived a blow to the ribs like that, not to mention the landing. My smaller body made it so I would escape with bad bruising at the most, but Kaze was a lot heavier, and that would've been his downfall.

I curled up into a ball. I couldn't go on, not right now. I was in serious need of rest, both mentally and physically, and I was pretty sure that if I didn't get some sleep, shock would settle in. I couldn't afford that.

So, dagger in hand and my body curled as tightly as I could, I closed my eyes and forced myself to sleep.


	7. Chapter 7

CHAPTER 7

I woke up only a few hours later in agony. Woozy and, I touched my fingers to my stab wound and when I drew them away they were covered in sticky, red blood. A bubble of panic rose up in my throat. My sutures! They'd probably been ripped out when I had hit the ground, and the adrenaline of almost dying had kept the pain at bay.

Frantically, I unfastened my half-cloak and, used my dagger to rip it into strips. Then, ever so carefully, I began to stuff some of the cloth into the wound. I bit back a scream as I almost passed out, Shaking my head to keep myself awake.

Once I had a few bits of the fabric soaking up the blood, I took a much thicker piece and tied it around my rib-cage, holding it all in. Shaking, heaving, I laid on the ground and whimpered. _Never_ had I wanted to be back in the fortress so badly.

"I told you it was suicide," I wheezed, cringing as I inhaled a little too deeply, "Didn't I tell you? You said I'd be fine, but here I am, dying. And after I was ordered to come back," I gave a wry smile, "Well, I guess we can't have such insubordination from a member of the Survey Corps," I said, "Levi would have a fit. Nope!" I rolled onto my hands and knees, "I'm not getting beat down again for disobeying such a simple order."

With great effort and pain, I pushed myself onto my feet and began to walk. If I continued to rest now I would loose all conviction and probably end up dead by morning. I clenched my fist. I _would_ make it back alive.

;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

I trudged forward, feet heavy and stomach growling like a storm. The saliva I still had in my mouth was thick and sticky, and I tried my hardest to not think about how much I wanted water. All I had with me was what was in the canteen I had tied to my belt; all of my extra supplies-including more water-had been in the saddle-bag with Kaze.

The long grass swished to my left, and I turned to it excitedly. I checked the wind direction by throwing up a few bits of grass and, having determined that I was downwind, I began to walk towards the noise, step by silent step. Once I got close enough, I lunged with my dagger stretched out in front of me. An inhuman screech rang through the air and I picked up the lifeless body of the rabbit, its blood dripping down my hand.

It took all the willpower I had not to just rip into the flesh like a ravenous wolf and eat it raw. I impaled the body on a sharpened stick and use that to keep it off of the ground, and then got to work on building a fire. Once I had a good blaze going, I cut the rabbit meat into strips and began to cook them, eating each as they finished.

After I had filled my belly somewhat, I dared a mouthful of water. I knew that it was dangerous to take so little, but I figured it would be just as bad to not have any later if I took more now, and though I'd heard of cases where it helped people survive, I wasn't too keen on drinking my own urine.

I used the back of my hand to wipe the sweat off of my forehead. Why did I have to get lost in the middle of summer? It had to be _at least_ 35 degrees out here, and the cloudless day certainly wasn't making it feel any cooler. Several time, I found myself reaching for my canteen, though I usually stopped myself before I opened it.

Firmly, I reminded myself of the promise I had made last night. I couldn't die-I was under orders not to. Therefore, I had to go back, and I had to make it there in one piece.

I prodded my side and cringed, scolding myself for not thinking. The cloth hadn't soaked through quite yet, and it seemed to be staying in quite nicely. As long as I didn't involuntarily try sky-diving again I figured it would hold up fairly well.

I continued my trek, too tired to even complain. It had become an unconscious, monotonous rhythm: step, step, step, step. One foot in front of the other. I followed it without thinking. There was no need to think; thought simply made everything go slower, and I didn't want that.

Step, step, step, step...

A dark, humanoid shape loomed up ahead, getting closer and closer. Once it was within a couple of kilometres, I could see the thing clearly: the female titan!

Without thinking, I dropped to the ground and nestled in the long, chaffing grass. Because of my angle I couldn't see her, though I could hear her footsteps reverberate through the ground and the still, hot air. She was getting steadily closer to where I was lying.

Suddenly, the sounds stopped. I slowly craned my neck up and saw the female titan staring down at me. Terror gripped me, and I dangled, limp and helpless, as she pinched my body between her thumb and forefinger and brought me to her widening mouth.

 _No,_ I thought desperately, _please..._

The titan placed me in her mouth and clamped it shut around me. The tongue underneath was wet and squishy, and it took a lot of effort to keep down my hard-earned rabbit. There was a sudden rocking motion, and the tongue flipped me to the back of her mouth. I began to slide down her throat, the slimy saliva making my body slick and gross. This was the end.

 _Aren't you supposed to be an assassin?_

Levi's voice was so clear in my head that I glanced around, half expecting to see him trapped in here with me.

 _An assassin..._

With a sudden surge of strength, I unsheathed my dagger and, as I fell, jammed it into the side of the throat and ripped down. The walls of the pharynx began to violently shake, and, though I couldn't hear a sound, I could only guess that the titan was screaming.

I managed to pull myself through the hole I had made before it closed and found that I was in the rib-cage. Just my luck.

Grunting with the effort, I cautiously made my way over to the spine, where I began to climb up the vertebrae. I went higher and higher, noticing with worry that my oxygen supply was running dangerously low. Just as I was about black out from lack of air, I saw something unusual right above my head. Was that...a pair of feet?

I ran out of time to think about it. Barely milliseconds before I went completely unconscious, I slashed out with my blade and made a wide slit in the neck. Sunlight filtered through, and I climbed out into the open, sucking in air like it was manna from Heaven. Now that I was out, there was only one problem left: I was 14 ½ metres up on an angry titan with no sane way to get down.

I hung with my hand on my dagger, the blade buried into her flesh. Steam from her closing wounds filled my lungs and I coughed raggedly. How was I going to get down from here? Simply dropping was not an option, not only because that would go against every instinct I possessed, but also because there was no way I could drop from this height in my condition and live. And I couldn't see anyway to climb, either,

 _What can I do? What can-aha!_

I watched as the female titan raised a hand to swat at me, and grabbed onto her finger as it came close. She flicked her hand, and I almost flew off, wrapping my legs around it as support just in time. A few more sudden jerking motions, and I was about ready to throw up again.

Timing was everything. As her hand drew close to her head, I let go and flew, grabbing onto her hair and tying myself securely in. What happened next went exactly as I had hoped.

I had gotten myself into a position that the titan couldn't reach very easily. After swiping for me and missing a few times, she dropped to the ground near a boulder and swung her head towards it. I watched in fascination as her neck skin hardened into a crystal-like substance in preparation for the collision.

Right before she hit the rock, I cut myself loose. I slammed into the boulder anyway and got the wind knocked out of me. I fell to the ground and tried to look as dead as I could. The fact that breathing was very difficult for me at the moment helped make it all the more realistic.

Seconds passed like hours as I waited to see what the female titan would do. Either she was fooled or she simply lost interest, because after forever had gone by, heavy footsteps shook the earth and eventually faded into the distance.

I hardly dared to exhale, fearing that it would be too loud. I tentatively touched my makeshift bandage, and to my surprise it was still intact. Good. I couldn't allow it to be infected. Out of all the ways to leave this world, infected wound caused by your superior officer had to be the dumbest.

I laid where I was for a few minutes before I finally poked my head up to see if the coast was clear. With no freakish titans anywhere in sight, I stood up again and began my long trek back to the fortress.

After about an hour, I was ready to collapse and sleep in the dirt. But before I even began to sit, I realized that I could made out another silhouette barely over the crest of a small hill. It didn't look like a titan, more, this time, like a shapeless blob. It moved closer, and I realized that what I had thought was a mound without a form was really three people om horseback, each of them sporting the green half-cloak of the Survey Corps. There was a shout of surprise and I watched as Hanji galloped closer.

"Axis!" she cried, dismounting, "We thought you were dead!" She grabbed my sticky arm and paused, eyes glittering.

"Is that titan saliva?" she asked, voice getting higher with anticipation. I nodded and she whipped out a cotton swab, swiping it up and down my arm. Amused, I handed her the lock of hair I still had around my waist and she about jumped into space.

Jean and Chrysta caught up to us, bewilderment all over their faces. When I began swaying with dizziness, Jean helped me onto the back of his horse and we rode off towards the fortress. What might've taken me another hour on foot was over in half that time.

Once we set foot back in the stronghold we were greeted with shouts of joy and congratulations. I watched on, not completely registering everything that was happening. Armin greeted me with tears in his eyes, and for the first time in days I managed to smile. But I did notice something was out of place,

"Hey," I said, my quiet voice somehow cutting through the noise, "Where's Petra? She's usually with everyone. Oluo, Eld, and Gunther too."

Silence fell like a thick, suffocating fog, and everyone looked miserable. What was wrong? Surely they didn't leave the Corps? What was-

 _Oh, no..._

Painfully, I recalled the other mission outside of mine. Could they really _all_ have been killed? But they were some of the best! What sort pf titan had the ability to do away with every one of the most elite team of titan slayers in history?

And then, I remembered the female titan. She had been heading in that direction when we crossed paths. Could it have been her fault?

"Okay Axis," Hanji began to steer me towards the hall that would lead to the medical room, "I need to look over you and check on that wound of yours, as well as make sure everything's intact. Come with me. That's it."

I let Hanji lead me by the arm, still stunned. About halfway down the hall, Levi stepped out of a room and turned to face us. His eyes rested on me, his expression as bored as ever. The wriggly feeling in my stomach returned.

"You're back, I see," he noted, "And disgusting as anything. Take a shower." He shouldered past us and continued on his way. Hanji began tugging on my arm again and we walked into the medical examination room.

"He really was worried about you," she said as I removed my pack and laid down, "even if he refuses to show it. He worries about all of his subordinates."

I curled my lip. Why should I care whether he was worried or not? It was my business to concern myself with me, not to focus on anyone else. Whether or not someone chose to think about me was not of my interest.

"Okay, time to check o that gash of yours," Hanji lifted my shirt and narrowed her eyes at my bandage. After giving it a good look-over, she pulled away and began to prod me in other areas.

"I'll look at that again later," she promised, "But in order to stitch it up again you'll need whiskey, as I'm sure you remember from last time, and I'd like you to remain sober for the most part. I have a few questions for you. First off: that lock of hair you gave me was very blonde. The only blonde titan I have ever seen was a female that attacked us a few days ago. Is this the one you ran into?"

Yeah," I said quietly, "That's the one. She tried to eat me."

"That's weird," Hanji adjusted her glasses, "Even excluding your lack of scent, the female titan never ate anyone, just straight-up killed them. She did have Eren in her mouth at one point, but she never swallowed him. I wonder why she decided to target you? How did you escape?"

I related the whole story to her, from the moment I'd seen the it coming to the second I knew it had left. Hanji listened intently.

"A pair of feet, huh?" she said when I had finished, "We had a theory that this one was like Eren, and that all but confirms it. All we need now is to find out their identity."

She began to poke each of my ribs, and I gasped in pain. It felt like my whole body was one big bruise.

As she got to the end, she stopped short, confusion etched into her features. She poked me a few more times.

"You're missing a rib," she said, perplexed. I gave her a blank stare.

"I'm what?"

"You should have about 12 pairs of ribs, giving you 24 total," Hanji spouted off, "But you're missing one on your right side; you only have 23."

"Are you sure?" I began to poke myself as well, and for the first time noticed an empty space across from the last rib on my left. I frowned.

"Is that going to cause me problems?" I asked, brow creasing. Hanji shook her head and pushed her glasses farther up her nose.

"No," she said, "If it hasn't in the past, then it shouldn't now. It's just an anomaly, that;s all. You were probably just born that way. The only other reason I could think of why it'd be missing is if someone cut into you and snapped it off, but you don't have any sorts of scars there, so I'm going to rule that out now. Right then!"

Hanji went to the cupboard and pulled out a glass and a bottle of whiskey. She poured the drink and I downed it in two swallows. Once the alcohol took effect, she began to pull out the fabric strips out of me, and when that was done she stitched my wound closed. All I felt was a little pressure.

"Now," I got unsteadily to my feet and Hanji stabilized me quickly, "Let's get you to your room," she said, "You've got to sleep all of this liquor off. You didn't wake up with a hangover last time, so I think you'll be fine now. However, I do recommend you clean yourself off first thing in the morning."

She led me to my room where I gratefully sank into my bed. I closed my heavy eyelids for a split second to blink, but they didn't open again and I slept peacefully for the first time in what felt like forever.


	8. Chapter 8

p style="line-height: 120%;" align="CENTER"span style="color: #000000;"span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"span style="font-size: medium;"span style="background: transparent;"CHAPTER 8/span/span/span/span/p  
p style="line-height: 120%;" align="LEFT"span style="color: #000000;"span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"span style="font-size: medium;"span style="background: transparent;" Clean and well rested, I walked downstairs the next day for yet another meeting. Once I had entered the commons people began to crowd around me, asking for details before Bertholt chased them off. I gave him a grateful smile. I wasn't quite ready to talk about my experience./span/span/span/span/p  
p style="line-height: 120%;" align="LEFT"span style="color: #000000;"span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"span style="font-size: medium;"span style="background: transparent;" I sat down next to Armin, Mikasa at my other hand. She looked at me coldly before getting up and walking down the stairs, probably to go visit Eren. I had learned that he'd had a fight with the female titan and he was still recovering from it./span/span/span/span/p  
p style="line-height: 120%;" align="LEFT"span style="color: #000000;"span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"span style="font-size: medium;"span style="background: transparent;" emWhy was she even here?/em/span/span/span/span/p  
p style="line-height: 120%;" align="LEFT"span style="color: #000000;"span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"span style="font-size: medium;"span style="background: transparent;" " Mikasa doesn't seem to like me very much," I noted to Armin. He glanced over at where she had been sitting and nodded./span/span/span/span/p  
p style="line-height: 120%;" align="LEFT"span style="color: #000000;"span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"span style="font-size: medium;"span style="background: transparent;" "Yeah," he agreed, "I'd noticed that. She hasn't said anything, but I think she's concerned about your past. I wouldn't worry about it."/span/span/span/span/p  
p style="line-height: 120%;" align="LEFT"span style="color: #000000;"span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"span style="font-size: medium;"span style="background: transparent;" "I'm not," I said quickly, "Simply curious, that's all."/span/span/span/span/p  
p style="line-height: 120%;" align="LEFT"span style="color: #000000;"span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"span style="font-size: medium;"span style="background: transparent;" Eventually, Commander Erwin entered and sat at the head of the table. He looked over all of us, his gaze lingering on me./span/span/span/span/p  
p style="line-height: 120%;" align="LEFT"span style="color: #000000;"span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"span style="font-size: medium;"span style="background: transparent;" "Axis!" he called, "Welcome back. I've heard that you encountered the female titan."/span/span/span/span/p  
p style="line-height: 120%;" align="LEFT"span style="color: #000000;"span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"span style="font-size: medium;"span style="background: transparent;" "Yes, sir," I said, dipping my head, "Though 'encountered' might not be a strong enough word." Hanji snickered from her corner of the table and I smirked to myself, glad that I had at least gotten a laugh out of someone. Of course, she was really the only person who knew the whole story, so it made sense why no one else reacted./span/span/span/span/p  
p style="line-height: 120%;" align="LEFT"span style="color: #000000;"span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"span style="font-size: medium;"span style="background: transparent;" "Did you find the research site?" The commander looked at me expectantly, and I stood up, excited./span/span/span/span/p  
p style="line-height: 120%;" align="LEFT"span style="color: #000000;"span style="background: transparent;""span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"span style="font-size: medium;"Yes sir!" I said, remembering what I had found, "I'd recovered some data. It's upstairs; would you like me to go grab it?"/span/span/span/span/p  
p style="line-height: 120%;" align="LEFT"span style="color: #000000;"span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"span style="font-size: medium;"span style="background: transparent;" "No," Erwin held up a hand, "You can bring that to me later. Right now we have something even more important to discuss: The female titan's identity and a plan to root her out."/span/span/span/span/p  
p style="line-height: 120%;" align="LEFT"span style="color: #000000;"span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"span style="font-size: medium;"span style="background: transparent;" A murmur rippled throughout the Scouts. Did Erwin know who she was already? But when everyone had settled down, Armin was the one who spoke./span/span/span/span/p  
p style="line-height: 120%;" align="LEFT"span style="color: #000000;"span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"span style="font-size: medium;"span style="background: transparent;" "I'm almost completely sure that the Female titan is Annie Leonhart," he said. This time, there were loud cries of surprise. I wasn't sure who that was, so the shock wasn't as big for me as it had been for everyone else./span/span/span/span/p  
p style="line-height: 120%;" align="LEFT"span style="color: #000000;"span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"span style="font-size: medium;"span style="background: transparent;" "There are a lot of little things that prove it," Armin continued, "Including facial structure and fighting style, to keep things simple. There is a way we can confirm it, however, and if our suspicions are correct we'll need to take action. The council has called for Eren to be brought back in and handed over to the Military Police. Likely, they'll cut into to find out what makes him turn into a titan, however as his friend I don't like that idea, and as a soldier I can see that being a bad move strategically, as we would loose a huge advantage point./span/span/span/span/p  
p style="line-height: 120%;" align="LEFT"span style="color: #000000;"span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"span style="font-size: medium;"span style="background: transparent;" "So," he continued, "I have devised a plan that will get Annie to reveal herself as the female titan and to fight her if she does. Obviously, Plan A is for Eren to fight her, but as he isn't always reliable when it comes to transforming, I have backup plans set."/span/span/span/span/p  
p style="line-height: 120%;" align="LEFT"span style="color: #000000;"span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"span style="font-size: medium;"span style="background: transparent;" He went on to explain to us his plan using the underground city, having the townsfolk restrain her, and what should happen if she managed to transform anyway, as well as a few different plans if the first one failed./span/span/span/span/p  
p style="line-height: 120%;" align="LEFT"span style="color: #000000;"span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"span style="font-size: medium;"span style="background: transparent;" "What should I do?" I asked. Armin opened his mouth to speak but Levi beat him to it./span/span/span/span/p  
p style="line-height: 120%;" align="LEFT"span style="color: #000000;"span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"span style="font-size: medium;"span style="background: transparent;" "You will be gathering as many people as are not needed for this plan and getting them all to the underground city before hand," he said, "Once I can get away from the procession leading "Eren" through the town, I can get down there and lead them all to safety. I know the ruins well, so we shouldn't get lost, however I'll need to leave to help fight at some point, so you and the citizens need to just stay where I take you. Got all of that?"/span/span/span/span/p  
p style="line-height: 120%;" align="LEFT"span style="color: #000000;"span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"span style="font-size: medium;"span style="background: transparent;" I nodded, groaning on the inside. I was going to be stuck with him emagain?/em Could my luck get any worse?/span/span/span/span/p  
p style="line-height: 120%;" align="LEFT"span style="color: #000000;"span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"span style="font-size: medium;"span style="background: transparent;" "Oh, and just in case," he took a sip of tea, "You're going to need to practice with the ODM gear today. Annie seems to have the ability to call other titans to her, and if it comes to it we may need to take drastic action. We don't want you freezing up in the middle of a fight now, do we?"/span/span/span/span/p  
p style="line-height: 120%;" align="LEFT"span style="color: #000000;"span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"span style="font-size: medium;"span style="background: transparent;" I made a rude gesture under the table. Surely he was telepathic, and had heard me thinking to myself that I had suck rotten luck? There was no other explanation./span/span/span/span/p  
p style="line-height: 120%;" align="LEFT"span style="color: #000000;"span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"span style="font-size: medium;"span style="background: transparent;" "Fine," I grumbled, "But if I die because of it, it's emyour /emfault."/span/span/span/span/p  
p style="line-height: 120%;" align="LEFT"span style="color: #000000;"span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"span style="font-size: medium;"span style="background: transparent;" Levi rolled his eyes and proceeded to drink his tea. He seemed to have it a lot, now that I thought about it. He drank more tea than anyone I ever remembered meeting./span/span/span/span/p  
p style="line-height: 120%;" align="LEFT"span style="color: #000000;"span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"span style="font-size: medium;"span style="background: transparent;" em"Throw it in the harbour!"/em/span/span/span/span/p  
p style="line-height: 120%;" align="LEFT"span style="color: #000000;"span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"span style="font-size: medium;"span style="background: transparent;" I jumped, and everyone looked at me. Another memory, like before? I began to chew on my lip as I saw what looked like dark water slosh around, almost like a hallucination. I had never emseen/em that much water gathered in one place! Or perhaps I just couldn't remember.../span/span/span/span/p  
p style="line-height: 120%;" align="LEFT"span style="color: #000000;"span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"span style="font-size: medium;"span style="background: transparent;" "Axis!" I jerked back into the present and sank into my seat, uncomfortable with the many pairs of eyes that were focused on me. Armin frowned./span/span/span/span/p  
p style="line-height: 120%;" align="LEFT"span style="color: #000000;"span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"span style="font-size: medium;"span style="background: transparent;" "Are you alright?" he asked. I felt myself quiver with barely contained joy./span/span/span/span/p  
p style="line-height: 120%;" align="LEFT"span style="color: #000000;"span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"span style="font-size: medium;"span style="background: transparent;" "Yeah," I assured my friend, "I'm fine. I just-I'll tell you later, okay?" I leaned back in my chair, ignoring Levi's burning gaze. I had no doubt that he would show up too, as he seemed to like to do that, but I accepted the fact that there was nothing I could really do about that at the moment, So I resolved to think about it later./span/span/span/span/p  
p style="line-height: 120%;" align="LEFT"span style="color: #000000;"span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"span style="font-size: medium;"span style="background: transparent;" The meeting continued, and we discussed times and locations. I tried my best to pay attention, but honestly my mind was focused on the memory. Why water? Where did it come from? And why did it seem to be triggered by noticing the amount of tea Levi consumed? Why did I notice that in the first place?/span/span/span/span/p  
p style="line-height: 120%;" align="LEFT"a name="docs-internal-guid-60361811-fac7-0fb2-05f1-581d61bfeac5"/a span style="color: #000000;"span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"span style="font-size: medium;"span style="background: transparent;"span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';" Once the meeting was over, I took off for my room, Armin at my heels. I didn't turn around, but I was sure Levi was not too far behind us. Once I got in, I sat on my bed excitedly. Armin took the chair and the Captain (surprise!) leaned against the wall, one foot up./span/span/span/span/span/p  
p style="line-height: 120%;" align="LEFT"span style="color: #000000;"span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"span style="font-size: medium;"span style="background: transparent;"span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';" "So, what happened back there?" Armin asked, leaning forward in anticipation. I took a deep breath./span/span/span/span/span/p  
p style="line-height: 120%;" align="LEFT"span style="color: #000000;"span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"span style="font-size: medium;"span style="background: transparent;"span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';" "I remembered something!" I said, trying to keep my voice from getting any higher. Levi tipped his head back./span/span/span/span/span/p  
p style="line-height: 120%;" align="LEFT"span style="color: #000000;"span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"span style="font-size: medium;"span style="background: transparent;"span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';" "Congratulations," he said, a hint of sarcasm in his tone, "Care to tell us what?"/span/span/span/span/span/p  
p style="line-height: 120%;" align="LEFT"span style="color: #000000;"span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"span style="font-size: medium;"span style="background: transparent;"span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';" "I was getting to that!" I retorted, "Geez. Anyway!" I clapped my hands, "So, I was riding out a few days ago, you know, to go find the research, and I was thinking about my place in this sort-of-combined-mission-thing and the fact that it was kind of centred around me. So, while I was thinking this, and feeling not a little pressured, I heard in my head "You are the axis of this operation," and then I saw /spanspan style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"emimages/em/spanspan style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"."/span/span/span/span/span/p  
p style="line-height: 120%;" align="LEFT"span style="color: #000000;"span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"span style="font-size: medium;"span style="background: transparent;"span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';" Armin's eyes widened./span/span/span/span/span/p  
p style="line-height: 120%;" align="LEFT"span style="color: #000000;"span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"span style="font-size: medium;"span style="background: transparent;"span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';" "Did you see any of the objects in your bag?" he asked. I shook my head, and related what I had seen, going on to talk about the one with the water. When I mentioned the tea, Levi cocked an eyebrow. Well, it wasn't /spanspan style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"emmy/em/spanspan style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';" fault I worked how I did./span/span/span/span/span/p  
p style="line-height: 120%;" align="LEFT"span style="color: #000000;"span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"span style="font-size: medium;"span style="background: transparent;" span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"emI've probably always done stuff like that, /em/spanspan style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';" I thought defensively, /spanspan style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"emBesides, noticing small details like that might be useful in the long run!/em/span/span/span/span/span/p  
p style="line-height: 120%;" align="LEFT"span style="color: #000000;"span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"span style="font-size: medium;"span style="background: transparent;" span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';""Do you think that anything you've seen might relate to the objects?" He asked. I thought hard and shrugged. It didn't seem like it, though surely something had to be connected in some way, shape, or form./span/span/span/span/span/p  
p style="line-height: 120%;" align="LEFT"span style="color: #000000;"span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"span style="font-size: medium;"span style="background: transparent;"span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';" "Hey, Armin," I said, "What are the chances that I could see a memory in a dream?"/span/span/span/span/span/p  
p style="line-height: 120%;" align="LEFT"span style="color: #000000;"span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"span style="font-size: medium;"span style="background: transparent;"span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';" "That depends on what you mean by that," he answered, "A straight, clear memory? I'd say unlikely to almost impossible. However, it is very likely that you can see scattered bits and pieces of a memory with the elements of a dream mixed in. Dreams tend to warp reality, so it wouldn't be easy to see right away. For example, say you dream about your experience with the ODM gear: the dream wouldn't relay exactly what happened. Instead, you might fly, or perhaps someone would grow a dog face."/span/span/span/span/span/p  
p style="line-height: 120%;" align="LEFT"span style="color: #000000;"span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"span style="font-size: medium;"span style="background: transparent;"span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';" "Okay, great!" I said, "Because I think that's happened too."/span/span/span/span/span/p  
p style="line-height: 120%;" align="LEFT"span style="color: #000000;"span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"span style="font-size: medium;"span style="background: transparent;"span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';" "You're putting an awful lot of hope in very trivial things," Levi commented. I made a face and reminded myself not to smack him./span/span/span/span/span/p  
p style="line-height: 120%;" align="LEFT"span style="color: #000000;"span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"span style="font-size: medium;"span style="background: transparent;"span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';" "They're all I've got," I said, clenching my teeth, "And, sir, I'd rather keep hoping than live my life in misery /spanspan style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"emlike some people/em/spanspan style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"."/span/span/span/span/span/p  
p style="line-height: 120%;" align="LEFT"span style="color: #000000;"span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"span style="font-size: medium;"span style="background: transparent;"span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';" He narrowed his eyes at my heavy implication, but said nothing. I stopped my myself from smirking, as that would've only ended badly for me./span/span/span/span/span/p  
p style="line-height: 120%;" align="LEFT"span style="color: #000000;"span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"span style="font-size: medium;"span style="background: transparent;"span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';" "Anyway," I cleared my throat, "I've got to go hand that notebook to Commander Erwin, so I'll see you later, Armin." I stood up and started towards my pack, but Levi held up a hand to stop me. Without a word spoken, I motioned towards it, and he removed the notebook, leaving my room with it in hand. Once he was gone, I rolled my eyes and huffed. I doubted he took it for me out of niceties: he always had an ulterior motive, and this time it was probably to kill the risk of me listening in on anything. Which I would totally do, given the / Armin looked up at me./span/span/span/span/span/p  
p style="line-height: 120%;" align="LEFT"span style="color: #000000;"span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"span style="font-size: medium;"span style="background: transparent;"span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';" "I'm happy for you," he said warmly, "I'm so glad you're getting your memory back. However, there was something I wanted to ask you about," I blinked and waited for him to go on, "When you 'woke up' a year-and-a-half ago," he proceeded, "What happened exactly? How did you find The Thorn of the Rose."/span/span/span/span/span/p  
p style="line-height: 120%;" align="LEFT"span style="color: #000000;"span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"span style="font-size: medium;"span style="background: transparent;"span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';" "Did Levi set you up to this?" I asked suspiciously, "No, that's not his style. Commander Erwin, maybe?"/span/span/span/span/span/p  
p style="line-height: 120%;" align="LEFT"span style="color: #000000;"span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"span style="font-size: medium;"span style="background: transparent;"span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';" "There's no need to be mistrustful," Armin assured me, "I'm just curious. You've never really talked about that. Of course, if you don't want to, I understand."/span/span/span/span/span/p  
p style="line-height: 120%;" align="LEFT"span style="color: #000000;"span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"span style="font-size: medium;"span style="background: transparent;"span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';" "No, it's good," I sniffed and scratched my nose, "Well, let's see. I guess I'll just tell you the whole story:/span/span/span/span/span/p  
p style="line-height: 120%;" align="LEFT"span style="color: #000000;"span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"span style="font-size: medium;"span style="background: transparent;"span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';" "The first thing I remember when I came to consciousness is feeling sore all over my body, though I couldn't figure out why. I actually just kind of laid there for a second with my eyes closed. I didn't want to open them for some reason. But when I finally did, there were two faces looking down at mine. It startled me, of course, and I yelled, but they covered my mouth pretty quickly./span/span/span/span/span/p  
p style="line-height: 120%;" align="LEFT"span style="color: #000000;"span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"span style="font-size: medium;"span style="background: transparent;"span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';" "'Who are you?' one of them asked. That's when I realized that I didn't know the answer to that myself. I actually began to freak out a little. I couldn't remember anything, not even my own name. The two people told me that their names were Sabina and Weller, and they took me into their home. I couldn't answer any of their questions: where I was from, who my parents were, or even what my favourite thing to eat was. They gave me a loaf of bread and a glass of water, and to this day I'm not sure which one had the drug in it, just that I when I woke up again I was lying down on some sand in a torch-lit arena. That was the only place I was allowed to be without a blindfold./span/span/span/span/span/p  
p style="line-height: 120%;" align="LEFT"span style="color: #000000;"span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"span style="font-size: medium;"span style="background: transparent;"span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';" "This time, I was greeted by a young man probably in his thirties. He had me sit, and asked me a lot of questions which, again, I couldn't answer. Then he explained to me what The Thorn of the Rose did and told me that I could either agree to train as an assassin, or I could be executed for knowing too much. Now, obviously I chose the first option because in truth being killed didn't sound like a lot of fun for me. Besides, I didn't seem to know anyone here, so why not?/span/span/span/span/span/p  
p style="line-height: 120%;" align="LEFT"span style="color: #000000;"span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"span style="font-size: medium;"span style="background: transparent;"span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';" "I was grouped with a few other students and the training was brutal. Over the next two months, we were made to fight each other, and eventually they began to put us in one-on-one death matches. Even then, I had a strong will to survive I came out the victor every time, though there were a few close ones./span/span/span/span/span/p  
p style="line-height: 120%;" align="LEFT"span style="color: #000000;"span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"span style="font-size: medium;"span style="background: transparent;"span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';" "Up until this point, I still didn't have a name. When people needed to refer to me or even speak directly to me, I was known as The Amnesiac. However, once I had proven myself to the guild, their leader (who I've never seen face-to-face) told me I'd need to choose a name to make things easier on everyone. I had thought hard about it, and the word 'axis' just kept coming to mind. So that's what I chose./span/span/span/span/span/p  
p style="line-height: 120%;" align="LEFT"span style="color: #000000;"span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"span style="font-size: medium;"span style="background: transparent;"span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';" "After that They drugged me again and took me to Sabina and Weller's home. After a meal there, I took off and found my own place. I didn't have much contact with humans, except about once a month when I'd buy food, or when I was given an assignment./span/span/span/span/span/p  
p style="line-height: 120%;" align="LEFT"span style="color: #000000;"span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"span style="font-size: medium;"span style="background: transparent;"span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';" "My first assignment, as you may have heard in court, was to kill an urchin child on the street. It wasn't hard, and I didn't cry, but I was pretty shaken up. I went back to my home and just sort of sat there for a few days, not really doing anything until I was hungry and thirsty enough to leave. My next assignment was a lot easier on me emotionally, and it only went on from there. I had killed ten people total before I just stopped keeping track altogether./span/span/span/span/span/p  
p style="line-height: 120%;" align="LEFT"span style="color: #000000;"span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"span style="font-size: medium;"span style="background: transparent;"span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';" "My last assignment was to assassinate Captain Levi. Well, we all saw how that went down. After that, I decided I was done. I didn't want to do this anymore, which is why I decided to give away everything I knew. The Thorn of the Rose did nothing for me. Even the money I used to buy provisions was taken from the homes of the dead./span/span/span/span/span/p  
p style="line-height: 120%;" align="LEFT"span style="color: #000000;"span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"span style="font-size: medium;"span style="background: transparent;"span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';" "Of course, my associates have spies everywhere, even in the judicial system. I knew they would kill me if I managed to escape my somewhat-formal execution, which is why I didn't leave when the titans began to attack everyone else and ignore me. I'm sure if I wasn't currently out here where they don't dare venture, they would've slit my throat long ago./span/span/span/span/span/p  
p style="line-height: 120%;" align="LEFT"span style="color: #000000;"span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"span style="font-size: medium;"span style="background: transparent;"span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';" "Either way," I finished, smiling to myself, "I'm here now. I know I'll never be able to wash that much blood off of my hands, but at least I'm not collecting any more."/span/span/span/span/span/p  
p style="line-height: 120%;" align="LEFT"span style="color: #000000;"span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"span style="font-size: medium;"span style="background: transparent;"span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';" Armin sat quietly eyes down, and his hands in his lap. He hadn't made a single noise since I started, and it looked like he was thinking it over now. I felt a little string of doubt worm it's way into my head. Maybe he was scared of me now that he knew what I'd done? I didn't want to loose my one friend! I began to chew on my lip, unsure of how to break the silence./span/span/span/span/span/p  
p style="line-height: 120%;" align="LEFT"span style="color: #000000;"span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"span style="font-size: medium;"span style="background: transparent;"span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';" Armin looked up, and I was shocked to see that there was sorrow in his eyes./span/span/span/span/span/p  
p style="line-height: 120%;" align="LEFT"span style="color: #000000;"span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"span style="font-size: medium;"span style="background: transparent;"span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';" "I'm glad you're here," he whispered, "I'm glad that you're on a path that will lead to your redemption, even if you're the only one who will see it. You may not be able to wash that much blood off right away, especially in the eyes of humanity, but if you keep scrubbing and scraping, eventually everyone will be able to see your true self underneath."/span/span/span/span/span/p  
p style="line-height: 120%;" align="LEFT"span style="color: #000000;"span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"span style="font-size: medium;"span style="background: transparent;"span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';" I felt my eyes start to water as everything became blurry, and I blinked to clear the tears that were beginning to form./span/span/span/span/span/p  
p style="line-height: 120%;" align="LEFT"span style="color: #000000;"span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"span style="font-size: medium;"span style="background: transparent;"span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';" "Thank you," I said, my voice cracking, "Thank you so much."/span/span/span/span/span/p  
p style="line-height: 120%;" align="LEFT"span style="color: #000000;"span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"span style="font-size: medium;"span style="background: transparent;"span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';" For the first time in eighteen months, I felt the awful weight that I had been carrying on my shoulders lighten and disappear entirely./span/span/span/span/span/p 


	9. Chapter 9

CHAPTER 9

Today was the day. I chewed on my lip as I pulled my shirt over my head. After a moment's hesitation I decided to wear the necklace under my clothes, though I left the pocket watch behind. The pendant was cold against my skin and I inhaled sharply.

 _Maybe I'll remember how I got this today,_ I thought, hopping as I put on trousers. Yesterday seemed like a blur to me. After I had told Armin what I knew as my life story, I had been dragged out by Levi to work with the ODM gear. Little by little, I had gotten more confidant, and I hadn't fallen that time so I felt fairly good about it.

I raced downstairs, necklace bouncing rhythmically against my chest. I tried to focus on it, thinking of every detail it possessed, trying to glean some strand of memory from that single obscure object. The thought hit me, at one point, that I might not have a memory attached to it. It was entirely possible that I had picked it up off of the streets or simply bought it from somewhere. I desperately hoped not-that would be boring.

It was still dark outside when I arrived, and the wagons were already loaded with Eren inside one of them. Jean was holding a wig and arguing with Reiner about something. He looked pretty heated about it, and Reiner seemed about ready to start a fist-fight. I felt myself smile. I had become very close to the people of the Survey Corps and though I didn't consider most of them actual friends, I was glad to be around them. I pushed away the nagging sensation that something was going to go terribly wrong.

I glanced over at Levi and, doing my best to ignore the snakes in my stomach, began going over the plan again. Trying to convince as many people as I could within that big of a vicinity was _not_ going to be anywhere near easy. _Especially_ when, because my trial had been made public, people knew who I was. The last time We had ridden through town, I had gotten a lot of dirty looks and many children were pulled away by their mothers.

I noticed that my quick glance had turned into prolonged staring just as Levi looked me right in the eye. Embarrassed, I quickly saluted, and without a word mounted a spare horse and rode off toward the wall. Using the darkness as my cover, I found the hole and slid through easily, leaving the horse behind. Having a smaller body really helped sometimes.

Once in, I raced down the darkened street until I found where I was supposed to start. My impossible mission set out in front of me, I knocked loudly on the door of a house. A few moments later, I was greeted by an angry-looking man.

"What do you want at this hour?" he growled. I did my best to keep my hand off of my dagger, though it became harder when I noticed that he was hiding a hand behind his door.

"My name is Axis and I'm with the Scouts," I explained, "There's going to be a lot of trouble around this area today, so I'm going to ask you to grab your family and come with me, please," I said, cursing myself. There had to be at least five ways I could've phrased that whole thing better.

"Wait a minute," the man said, his bushy mustache getting bushier, "I know you. Aren't you the murderer that escaped Death Row? Keep away!" I took a step back as he revealed the knife he'd been holding out of sight. I held up my hands.

"Mister," I said, not bothering to mask my exasperation, "There really is no time for this. Something bad is probably going to happen today and if you want to live I suggest you grab your family and follow me to safety. Also, if you could help me warn the others, that's be great."

The man looked furious.

"You think I'm just going to believe that, killer?" he snarled, brandishing his knife, "I'm not going to play in whatever little psycho game, and neither will my family. Now leave , or I'll alert the town!"

I flicked my blade out just as he lunged at me unsteadily and parried a blow that wouldn't've hit me anyway. I flipped the man onto his back and planted my foot on his chest, sheathing my dagger.

"Listen," I sighed, "Don't be stupid. Later today two titans will be in the area and, let me tell you, there will be much damage. That'll really suck for you if you or someone you love dies because they were stepped on, or crushed under a broken house, wouldn't it? Well, that won't have to happen if you follow me _now_."

His every move screaming reluctance, he got up and awoke his family. His wife walked out, carrying a very young little girl. A boy about twelve years in age was by her side, and I recruited him to help carry out my message. Most of my encounters were very similar to the first, though almost all the families were soon behind me as we made our way through the streets. The few that refused to come had all agreed to stay indoors. This would work perfectly.

We made it to the underground entrance just as dawn began to break over the wall. With a lot more noise than I would've liked, I somehow got everyone in. About halfway down the corridor that would lead to the city ruins, Levi greeted us with his usual indifferent manner.

"Is everyone here?" he asked. He looked around me at the group of people. Most were women and kids, as many of the men had been enlisted to restrain Annie when the time came. Mothers shushed their crying children and siblings huddled together in scared bunches. I felt a twinge of pity.

"All that would come," I answered, "There were a few families that wouldn't, no matter who spoke to them, and you did say not to push them too hard, so..."

"They'll be fine," Levi turned on his heels and beckoned without looking back, "Keep up. We'll need to travel far and quickly if we want to make it to the designated area. And _stay in a group_. It's like a maze down there, and if you don't know where you're going, you'll never make it out."

With that, he began walking. I ushered everyone to follow, noticing that they seemed more nervous than before. Though I understood how important it was that they stay close, Levi really could've been a little more _gentle_ with the delivery.

"Is everyone here?" he asked. He looked around me at the group of people. Most were women and kids, as many of the men had been enlisted to restrain Annie when the time came. Mothers shushed their crying children and siblings huddled together in scared bunches. I felt a twinge of pity.

"All that would come," I answered, "There were a few families that wouldn't, no matter who spoke to them, and you did say not to push them too hard, so..."

"They'll be fine," Levi turned on his heels and beckoned without looking back, "Keep up. We'll need to travel far and quickly if we want to make it to the designated area. And _stay in a group_. It's like a maze down there, and if you don't know where you're going, you'll never make it out."

With that, he began walking. I ushered everyone to follow, noticing that they seemed more nervous than before. Though I understood how important it was that they stay close, Levi really could've been a little more _gentle_ with the delivery.

We walked for a while down the low corridor, with Levi in front to lead and myself bringing up the rear, mostly to catch wanderers and stragglers, but also in case we were ambushed from behind.

As we walked, the young boy from the first house fell behind and began walking by my side. He looked to be about nineteen, with ginger hair and freckles scattered across his face. He kept glancing at me, though he didn't speak, and I became uncomfortable.

"Did you need something?" I asked testily. The boy jumped, as though he hadn't expected me to notice.

"Uh, yeah," the boy scratched his neck, "You're that killer from before, right? The one who was supposed to be killed by the titans."

"Yeah, that's me," I said, biting back a sigh, "what of it?"

"Well, you're working with the Scouts, right?" he continued, "under Captain Levi himself is what I heard. He chose you specifically because the titans ignored you, or so the rumors say."

"Oh?" I cocked an eyebrow, "And what else do these rumors say?"

"That you can control the titans," he said, getting more and more excited, "You can control their minds and that's why they passed you and attacked everyone else, so you could grab the attention of the Scouts and get inside!"

I cut the kid off as I let out a deep, loud laugh. A few people turned back to look at me, pulling their children closer to them. The boy gave me a startled look.

"So, what?" he said, "Is that true?"

"Kid." I said, rubbing my eyes, "If that were the case, don't you think that I'd've used that to my advantage before then? Think about it: you said it yourself, I'm a killer-a trained assassin, to be precise; bathed in blood since I can remember. If I had the ability to mind-control titans, I could've had all of my targets get eaten instead and I would've never made it into court to begin with! Besides," I sniffed, "If I'd wanted to join the Survey Corps, I could've simply become a soldier. That would be ten-times simpler."

"Yeah, okay," the boy gave me a sheepish grin, "I guess you're right, that doesn't make much sense. But everyone else has been saying it, too!" he added defensively, "My whole district has been talking about it, even the kids!"

"Oh, fantastic," I muttered, " _Just_ what I wanted."

"I'm Darrin, by the way," The kid raised his hand a bit and then quickly lowered it again, as though he had wanted to shake hands but had decided against it. Just as well: I disliked any physical contact that I could avoid. Perks of living in solitude for most of my life, I suppose.

Darrin looked at me expectantly, and I ignored him, getting more and more irritated by the second. I guess he had less patience than I had originally given him credit for, because he broke the silence after about thirty seconds.

"Aren't you going to tell me your name?" he prompted. I scoffed.

"You already know my name," I said, "Your father didn't seem too upset to see me until I had introduced myself, and then he had gotten scared. That means that he wasn't in court the day of my trial-too far, I suppose-but he must know someone who was. That was how he learned my name, and therefore how you know it as well. Am I wrong?"

Darrin blinked, eyes wide with surprise.

"Do you make a habit of doing that?" he asked, squinting, "Of guessing things like that just because you can, or are you trying to show off for me?"

"Kid," I laughed, "I am ten years older than you, I have no need to impress. Second of all, observation and deduction came with the training. So, yeah, I guess it's a habit, but more out of a sense of survival rather than 'because I can'."

The boy tried and failed to hide the disappointment on his face, and I gave him a half-hearted smile. Poor kid was awkward, and my direct rejection to his indirect hinting was not going to help him at all. Oh, well. It wasn't my problem anyway.

"Keep close!" Levi's voice echoed back to me, and as I peered around the crowd, I caught my first glimpse of the underground city. It was vast and full of variety, with many buildings all over the place. Whoever had built it had gotten pretty far along. It would have been a safe sanctuary, so why had it been abandoned?

We walked on, taking turns here and there until, try as I might, I couldn't keep track of the directions anymore. Thankfully, Levi seemed to know where he was going. For a brief moment, I wondered why he was so familiar with the area, but I pushed that away as quickly as it had come. I was not concerned with the past of other people, especially when I was still trying to figure out my own.

We finally came to a large, round building and Levi and I ushered everyone inside, checking again and again to make sure no one had been left behind. Once we were sure everyone was with us, Levi turned to me.

"I left written directions on how to get back out under the third stone to the left from the back right corner," he said, "If I don't give the all clear, you will then be responsible for going up to the surface and checking on matters there. Don't do that until six hours have passed, alright?"

"Gotcha," I saluted, and Levi dipped his head in acknowledgment. I turned around to leave when I heard a scuffing noise off to my left, just behind a house. I froze, and noticed that Levi, after glancing at me, put a hand on his blade. We looked at each other, and he motioned towards the noise with his head. Taking that as a go-ahead, I stalked towards the dwelling and scaled the wall with ease. Below me, three people were gathered, all with their backs turned to me. The youngest one seemed to be talking frantically to the others.

I had learned long ago to trust my gut, and right now it was telling me that whoever these people were, they meant trouble for our little tour group. I leapt from the rooftop, ducking into a roll, and unsheathing my blade just as I came back up.

I crept up behind them, heart racing. Something about the two older ones seemed _familiar_ somehow, and I couldn't shake the feeling that something was about to go terribly wrong.

Just as I was about three steps away from reaching them, they all three turned around, weapons drawn and hatred in their eyes. My blood ran cold.

"Axis," Sabina greeted me, voice dripping with poison, "Welcome back."


	10. Chapter 10

CHAPTER 10

I tightened the grip on my dagger and took a step back. Weller sneered at me, and the new kid, a young girl with blonde hair, thrust a knife in my direction.

"Welcome back," Sabina repeated, " _Traitor._ "

"Sabina," I greeted, cautious, "Weller. Long time, no see. And you," I turned my gaze to the girl, "I actually don't know who you are."

"I'm Alma," the girl replied, screwing up her face, "No need to ask your name: you're Axis, the greatest assassin that The Thorn of the Rose has ever trained. And you're the biggest traitor as well!" She curled her lip.

"And if I kill you," she continued, "I'll be the greatest. I'll be welcomed back like a hero!"

"You're like, what, twelve?" I sneered, "Sorry, I don't fight kids that can't defend themselves."

"I'm sixteen!" Alma spat, "And I'm perfectly capable of defending myself. I could kill you if I wanted. I will kill you! I'll make you sorry that you betrayed us!"  
"You talk _way_ too much," I noted, lunging at the girl with my knife. She jumped back at the last second and I missed her by millimetres. Weller stepped forward to interfere, but Sabina held him back. This fight was between Alma and myself.

"Come and get me!" Alma screeched. She flew towards me, knife flashing. I easily deflected her strike, and lashed out with my foot, catching her behind the leg. She went down hard, and I paused, waiting. She scrambled to her feet and went at me again.

"Is this the best The Thorn can do?" I scoffed as I dodged two more of her attacks, "Pathetic!"

Alma grunted and jumped at me. I kicked her in the chest, noting that she didn't think very clearly when she was insulted. Her attacks became sloppy and left a lot open, which I could use to my advantage.

I watched as she struggled to get up and slashed at her, nicking her arm. Blood flecked my face and droplets scattered as Alma frantically waved her arm about. How did she even get in this position? The girl was hopeless with a weapon and she couldn't even stay on her feet for more than a few seconds. Where had these guys picked her up from?

"I hope this isn't how you spar with everyone else," I remarked airily, "I'd be _embarrassed_ if I was as terrible at this as you are!"

With a shriek of fury, she hurled herself at me, and I fell with her weight. Triumph flashed in her eyes as she raised her knife above my head, sure that victory was certain...

But then she halted, face paling and eyes widening as the dark bloodstain from the gash in her stomach spread across my chest and spilled to the floor. I shoved her off of me and removed my dagger, wiping the blade clean on my pants.

"Would either of you like to try?" I growled, glaring at Sabina and Weller. Sabina laughed.

"Oh, Axis, Honey," she said, "You should know from the time that you spent with us that we're no threat to you. We never did train to kill, and you would be much better than the two of us anyway, don't you think? Besides, isn't there some sort of moral code against attacking people who don't know how to fight properly, anyway? Unless they were your target."

Now it was my turn to laugh.

"Funny thing about moral codes," I said coldly, "Is that you need morals to follow them, and those were something that I had been taught not to have. Goodbye, Sabina and Weller."

I lunged at them, confident I could take out both with one strike. But instead of flinching away, Sabina raised her fingers to her lips and whistled. Instantly, five people dropped from the rooftops, surrounding me. Each held long knives, ready for a fight.

I chewed my lip and took a defensive stance. I could take on each of them one at a time, but if they all decided to attack me at once, I was done for.

I locked eyes with a young boy directly in front of me. He looked to be about sixteen, like Alma, and there was just as much arrogance in his demeanor. I flicked my wrist and watched him jolt. The boy was probably still in training.

"The one who kills Axis will immediately pass all training and be promoted to the Inner Circle," Sabina announced, shooting me a smug look. I glanced at Weller. He had always been softer than his wife, and even now he looked concerned for the well-being of the children. If he hadn't been too far caught up in this, he would've been a good man.

The kids moved all at once, not daring to risk solo attacks. I blocked a strike from my left, and ducked one from in front. Just as I dodged another blow to the head, I felt a blade scratch my back, blood welling from the wound. There were too many of them!

Then I saw them: to my left, just behind me a bit, were gas tanks, meant to be used in the ODM gear. I shook off my attackers for a split second and somehow got a hold of one. Swinging it, I smacked a couple of them upside the head, and hit a third in the stomach. The other two dodged quickly and I lost my grip as it moved towards them, and it flew over their heads towards a distant building. The battle paused as my opponents looked at it in horror and dropped to the ground.

But I didn't. The tank hit, and a deafening explosion shook the cavern. I felt my mind start to buzz.

 _Such a beautiful sound, like music; it's a symphony of destruction._

The words rang through my mind, and I felt myself get dizzy. I fell to my knees. I tried to stand up, but the floor seemed to be spinning faster and faster.

 _No,_ I pleaded, _Not here. Not now!_

The images flashed before my eyes, almost as if they were really there, and for the first time they were whole and clear, unlike the last few cases. A man with long black hair stood before me, his white suit pristine and neat. His hands were tatooed in a similar fashion to mine, with circles and symbols. The man grinned, revealing a pretty red gem inside him mouth. He clapped his hands together and placed them on the ground. Blue streaks of what looked like electricity arced through the air and the ground erupted in a beautiful display of crimson.

 _His name is Solf._

My vision cleared and I gasped, my breathing ragged and quick. In my moment of weakness, four of the trainees had pinned me to the ground, and the fifth one flew at me, knife ready to rip into my flesh. I closed my eyes and anticipated the pain.

The _fwish_ of ODM gear sounded above my head, and I opened my eyes just in time to see Levi collide the kid as he soared through the air. The others, surprised by his sudden appearance, leapt up. I shot to my feet, poised to fight, and Levi, having ditched his gear on a nearby rooftop, landed lightly by my side. He drew a dagger of his own, and, back to back, we faced our opponents.

"You took your time," I snarked, slashing out at a girl with big teeth. Levi scoffed.

"You need to stop getting into situations you can't get out of," he retorted, "Maybe that'll teach you." He kicked one of the kids in the stomach and they looked ready to puke. I snorted.

"You sent me over here!" I reminded him. One of the teens aimed for my shoulder. I grabbed their arm and kicked it hard. There was a sickening crack, and the boy screamed, cradling the fractured limb. That was one out of commission.

"You asked!" Levi swiped out at a second one, and knocked out a third. Two left.

"Fair enough," I said, flicking blood off of my blade. Despite the heat of the battle, I found myself grinning, and the strange wriggly feeling returned. I shoved it away.

I felt the tip of a blade on the back of my neck, and I froze, trying to calculate the best course of action. But before I could move, Levi kicked my attacker in the ribs, snapping several of them, and pushed her away. I rubbed my neck.

"I could've gotten that one, you know," I grumbled. Levi ignored me, instead turning to face Sabina and Weller. We stared each other down for a moment, hardly daring to breath. Then, all at once, Weller rushed towards Levi, drawing a wicked looking sword from a scabbard on his back. Levi deftly avoided him, twisting to the right. I ran to go help him, but was stopped short when Sabina snapped a whip across the back of my legs. I fell down, twisting to land on my back.

"You betrayed us," Sabina growled, cracking the whip above me, "The first opportunity you had, and you stabbed us in the back. After everything we've done for you!"

"The Thorn has done _nothing_ for me," I snarled, ice lacing my tone. I stood up and ducked the whip once more, "From the moment I woke up, I was forced to kill else I die myself. I lived in a hovel! I starved more than once! You watched me suffer every day, and yet you have the _audacity_ to claim that I should hold any loyalty to you? You disgust me."

Her whip stung my arm, and I grabbed it, yanking hard. Surprised, Sabina didn't let go in time and got pulled toward me. I slammed her against a wall and put my dagger to her throat.

"This will be my last human kill," I promised, "Say goodbye, Sabina."

And with one lightning-quick movement, I slit her throat. I let her lifeless body fall to the ground, blood pouring from the wound like a river, staining my clothes and making my skin hot and sticky. Feeling cold, I tore my eyes away from the corpse and glanced toward Levi.

He wasn't doing so well. He was bleeding from a scratch on his cheek where Weller had grazed him with his sword, and because he had already been in a fight, he was tiring quickly. Having to constantly duck and dodge probably wasn't helping either.

 _His little dagger is next to useless against that huge sword Weller has_ I thought to myself, _maybe if I can attack Weller from behind..._

I flicked my eyes to the roof of a tall building near where Weller and Levi were. There, at the top, was Levi's ODM gear and swords.

Without a second thought, I took off, racing towards the structure. I began to climb the wall, hand over hand, hardly thinking about how fast I was going. As I took another step, however, I lost my footing and almost fell.

I clung to the side of the building, gasping in terror. Ice seemed to be spreading through my veins as I looked down and saw exactly just how far up I was. If I fell from this height...

 _Get it together,_ I scolded myself, _This isn't any different from scaling the fortress and you did that all the time without a problem, so why should you freeze up now? Besides,_ I closed my eyes and listened to the sound of Weller's sword swishing though the air, _Levi needs my help._

I took a deep breath and finished my ascent, pulling myself over the edge and onto the roof. Once there, I grabbed the gear.

"LEVI!" I yelled. He didn't look at me, but he did move closer to the building, forcing Weller to follow. Once he was directly below me, I pushed away all fears and jumped, gear in hand. I smoothly dropped it off to the Captain and landed feet first exactly on Weller's chest, knocking him away and buying time for Levi to strap himself down.

"Are you proud of your actions?" I asked, "Look at all of those children!" I gestured to the kids Levi and I had fought off earlier. All of them had gathered together in one big mass, groaning in pain. I balled my hand into a fist.

"Axis, move!" Levi leapt down onto Weller from Above his swords drawn. Weller jumped to his feet and swung his own weapon. Levi parried the attack with an expertly executed twist in the air and fought back with a fury. Weller was now on the defensive.

Itching to join the action, I ran out behind Weller and, with a well-placed blow, brought him to his knees. I kicked the sword out of his hand, and Levi scissored his blades at Weller's throat. All at once, everything grew quiet and still.

"Who is the leader of your organization?" Levi asked, pressing his swords a little closer together when Weller didn't answer right away.

"I am!" Weller blurted out, cracking under the stress. I reared back, shocked. Soft, gentle Weller? Now way! But the more I thought about it, the more it made sense. When I had spoken with the director of The Thorn of the Rose, he had been hiding behind a curtain and had somehow warped his voice. Sabina had been with me at the time, but Weller had not. I hadn't thought of it much, then, though I wish I had.

"What is the purpose of it?" the Captain continued. Weller spat and was rewarded with more pressure.

"We're trying to take over the government," he growled reluctantly. Levi looked down on him, his face expressionless.

"And the children?"

"Taken from their homes at birth," was the reply, "And raised with us."

"That's all I needed to hear," Levi said coolly. His swords flashed and Weller screeched. Blood pooled on the floor, gushing from where Levi had severed the muscles on his shoulders. Weller would never raise his arms again. Levi tossed him to me, and I dragged him over to the group of children.

"We'll send the MPs down to collect you later," I warned them, "But I suggest you stay put. Move too much, and you'll wear yourself out."

Weller glared at me.

"You'll be sorry you betrayed us, Axis," he threatened, "You-"

"Enough," I held up a hand, "I don't want to hear it." Leaving Weller and the kids behind, I walked towards Levi, feeling woozy with exhaustion. Levi took one glance at me before grabbing the back of my shirt and taking off towards the rooftops. We landed in front of the round building that was hiding all the people. He practically shoved me inside, ordering me to stay put, and then took off again.

Feebly, I wandered to the back of the room where I found the piece of paper with instructions on how to return to the entrance, and there I waited. Levi would come back for us, I was sure of it. All I had to do was wait for two hours, and if he didn't, then I would go out and look around. It seemed like such a simple plan.

Little did I know that what lay in wait for me was anything but simple.


	11. Chapter 11

CHAPTER 11

I waited, anxiously, unsure of how much time had passed. Two hours? Ten? It felt like an eternity.

I looked at the directions Levi had left every few minutes or so, partially out of boredom, but also because I wanted them ingrained in my mind. I would be leaving alone, and I didn't expect to return, so I would need to leave the written ones here.

Fidgety, jumpy, I took a step towards the exit of the building, but forced myself to keep back. Instead I began to pace, chewing on my lip. Back and forth, wall to wall. Ugh, this was taking _forever!_

"Hurry up," I muttered to myself, "For crying out loud, Levi, you're slow."

I punched the wall, scraping my knuckles and making them bleed. I heard a gasp, and, looking down, I saw a young child, probably about three years old. She looked at me with wide, blue eyes, and pointed at my hand.

"Ow," she said. I stood there awkwardly, not quite sure what to do. I wasn't good with kids, and for the life of me I couldn't figure out why this one had approached me. Slowly, I bent down so I could be at her level.

"Hey there," I said quietly, holding out my hand, "Um, how are you?"

"Good," the little girl pointed again, "What's that?"

I looked at my hand, mentally going over what the tattoo might have looked like. I traced my finger over the many white scars, criss-crossing over my palm

 _How did I even get those?_

I looked back at the little girl just as her frantic mother pulled her away, scolding her for coming so close to me. For the first time, I felt hurt, and I tried to shove it away as quickly as I could. These people would never trust me-how could they? I was a murderer, someone to be despised. In their eyes, I deserved to die and the fact that I was alive made a lot of people uncomfortable.

I would never be able to redeem myself, but there was one way I could try. Resolved, I clenched my fist and began walking towards the door. Once there, I tacked down Darrin. He was sitting with a group of kids about his same age, all of them wide-eyed and nervous. I cleared my throat, and almost laughed as they all jumped

"Darrin," I said, "I have an important task for you. Can you do it?"

"That depends," he said, rising, "What is it?"

"At the back of the room, written on a yellow-ish piece of paper, are directions Captain Levi left so we would know how to get out of the underground city. In about four hours, if no one has come for you by then, I'll need you to follow them _to the letter_ and lead everyone out of here," I gave him a hard look, "Can you do that?"

"Huh?" Darrin scrunched up his brow, "But, wait, isn't that your job? Where are you going?"

"Change of plans: I need to help up there," I lied, "And I might not make it back. Do you think you can get everyone back to the top, or should I entrust that task to someone else?"

"No, I can do it!" Darrin stood up a little straighter and gave me a backwards salute, "Believe me Axis, you can count on me!"

"I hope so," I muttered as I turned to leave. The mass of snakes was back in my belly, and it took all I had not to just roll up into a ball and wait for them to pass. Instead, I curled my lip and began to run. It was all I could do. At one point, the sensation got so intense that it was almost unbearable, and I screamed as loud as I could in an attempt to make it go away. It didn't.

So I turned it into an energy. Something told me that the feeling would go away if I got out, so I pushed myself as hard as I could, racing faster and faster in attempt to leave as soon as was humanly possible.

It took longer than I would have liked, but I eventually made it to the surface. I blinked in the harsh, piercing sunlight, shielding my eyes. Where was everyone? I had expected to see a battle between two titans, or at least a few members of the Survey Corps, but it was eerily quiet.

 _What…?_

I started to book it through the town, eyes scanning over empty houses. Perhaps they had restrained Annie without an issue? No, then someone would have come back for the citizens, surely. My gut began twisting itself into knots. There was only one other plausible explanation.

As I neared the edge of the area I had been told to clear, I heard the screams of hundreds of terrified people. My blood ran cold.

 _How?_ I thought, _We planned so well. We were so_ sure _that everyone would be safe, that we could keep everything at least semi under control! She must've been quicker than we realized._ I ran harder, _I've got to help the civilians!_

I turned a corner and skidded to a halt as I saw two fifteen metre titans nose to nose in combat: Eren and Annie. I felt a wave of nausea wash over me as I was reminded of my incredibly unpleasant encounter with the female titan.

I shook my head. Now was _not_ the time. Right now, I needed to get as many people out of here as I could. I raced over to a family huddled by a wall.

"Listen," I demanded, "I'm with the Survey Corps; you can trust me. Get out of here. Go to the next town over-it's completely empty and those titans have already been through there. The likelihood that they'll go back is next to nothing. Please!"

The mother gave me a glare heavy with suspicion, but the father had enough sense to grab her and their daughter and run. I watched them go for a moment, pleased when they began to spread the word about the safer area to other groups of people.

Sighing with relief, I began to run again. As I neared, I could see people with ODM gear soaring through the air around the titans, trying to help anyone they could. This was it.

I glanced around and found a dead soldier, crushed under a large stone. No time to mourn. I grabbed his gear, strapped it on, and shot off, an unknown drive overpowering my fear. I had a strong nagging feeling that I was looking for someone, but I couldn't figure out who or why.

"Fall back!"

I'd know that voice anywhere. The Captain! The wriggly feeling in my stomach returned as I frantically searched for him. From the sound of it he wasn't too far away, so why couldn't I see him? I began chewing my lip again. Where was he?

 _There!_

I pulled my triggers and took off, flying through the air. Levi was standing on the roof of a clock tower, directing soldiers and citizens to safety. Nearby, Eren and Annie were engaged in an all-out brawl. I landed just behind the Captain, feet thumping lightly against the stone. Levi turned around.

"Axis!" he narrowed his eyes, "What are you doing here? You were told to wait! Go back!"  
"I couldn't keep track of time very well down there!" I shot back defensively. What was his deal? With all this trouble, I thought he'd be at least a little happy to see me.

"Besides," I continued, hiding my disappointment, "I had this pressing feeling in my gut, telling me to come out here. And aren't _you_ the one who always says that we need to decide for ourselves who to trust and what to do? Well, I trust myself and my instincts. What now?"

Levi was quiet for a moment. I waited with bated breath. He hadn't exactly shown mercy to me the last few times I had spoken out of turn, and the fact that I had disobeyed direct orders again probably wouldn't help my case. What would he do?

Finally, he turned away.

"If that's how you feel, then you'd better stay," he concluded, "I trust you left the responsibility of getting the civilians back safely to someone capable?"

"I certainly hope so," I said, thinking of Darrin's eagerness to lead his town. Levi gave me a funny look, which I chose to ignore. I jumped into a salute.

"Captain!" I shouted, "My, orders, sir?"

"Stay close me," he replied, "You've got sharp eyes and good reflexes; I'll need your help to spot groups of people in danger and direct soldiers to their aid. And don't die."

"Yes, sir!" I felt my face split into a smile, and, horrified, I forced myself to scowl. This was a time of tragedy, not one of merriment! Where had that even come from?

 _Idiot,_ I scolded myself, _Time with the Survey Corps has turned you soft. Keep alert!_

I scanned the area, focused on finding and helping anyone in immediate danger. My eye caught on a lone child, screaming for her mother, tears spilling down her face. I felt my heart wrench, and I began to furiously look for anyone that might be her family. There was a crash and I saw through the dust a huge titan foot land barely a metre away from the toddler. The kid was knocked to the ground by the vibrations, and she cried louder.

I saw a flash of green out of the corner of my eye, and suddenly Levi was dropping down towards the child. The look he had on his face was something I couldn't quite describe-a powerful mixture of fury, determination, and a fierceness so intense, it looked like he could shatter boulders with a glance. I felt a shiver run down my spine, and I realized that, in that moment, I was scared of him.

"Axis!" he called, "On my six!"

I jumped into action, flinching as my stomach tied to escape out of my throat. I kicked away the rubble of buildings smashed by the two titans as it came close. I couldn't let anything touch Levi.

He snagged the child by the shirt as he neared the ground and swooped upward just before he hit it. The poor thing looked even more terrified now, though, to be honest, I doubt she was expecting to be snatched up like a mouse by a hawk out of nowhere. She would probably have issues regarding height for the rest of her life. Briefly, I wondered if something similar had happened to me in order to cause my intense fear of falling.

After we soared back up and touched down on the clock tower again, Levi handed me the child. I took her hesitantly, and she buried her face into my shoulder, her loud screaming having softened into quiet sobs. Awkwardly, I stroked her white-blonde hair, and I felt my heart melt.

 _Is this what being a mother is like?_ I asked myself. An emotion I couldn't quite describe welled up in my chest as I held her, warming up my entire body. I flashed a glance at Levi, but he was facing the other direction, once again barking orders to anyone who happened to be free for a moment.

I began to walk around, gently bouncing my torso up and down to sooth the baby. As I neared the edge, I looked down, scouring the ground with my eyes. Where were her parents? I looked hard, trying to determine what they would be doing. If it were me, I would be frantically searching for my child, whether she might be alive or not.

I paused for a moment, thinking. This sensation was very new. I somehow understood that, prior to this, I would've said to simply assume the girl dead and move on to safety. This must be what people called "maternal instinct."

I felt a tap on my shoulder and I whipped around, shielding the child as I kicked the soldier who had surprised me in the ribs. He stumbled back, clutching the spot I had hit. I felt myself shrink back in embarrassment.

"I'm so sorry!" I gasped, shuffling over to him, "I guess old reflexes die hard. I didn't break anything did I?" The man took a deep breath.

"No, just bruised," he wheezed, "I'll give it to you, though, you have what it takes to defend yourself. I'll just need to remember to approach you from the front next time." he worked out a pained smile, and I gave him an apologetic grin.

"Anyway," he said once he caught his breath, "The Captain instructed me to let you know that the child's family has been found, and I am to return her to them. He would've let you do it," he added as I opened my mouth in protest, "But he said that they probably wouldn't react very well to an ill-famed assassin handling their little girl. Sorry." He shrugged and I bowed my head, dejected.

"No, that makes sense," I sighed. The soldier held out his arms, I reluctantly handed him the kid. She had fallen asleep on my shoulder, her little nostrils flaring as she breathed. The soldier took her and I felt a prickle of regret as he zipped away.

"Don't be silly," I told myself, forcing a sneer, "She needs to be with her parents, and I need my mind free to focus on my duties as a member of the Survey Corps."

"You'd make a good mother, Axis," a soft voice said. I looked over my shoulder to see sweet little Krista. I relaxed and smiled.

"Nah," I said, "I'm way too jumpy and harsh. Besides, there's no one on earth who'd want to be with me long enough for that to happen!"

"Don't give yourself such little credit!" Krista beamed. Her eyes flicked to a spot over my shoulder, but when I turned to look, there was nothing there.

"Thank, I guess," I scratched my neck, "I love being thoroughly confused."

"We don't have time to stand around and chat," I cringed as Levi smacked me upside the head. He stepped in front of us, "Krista, take Ymir and get that family down there out. There appears to be someone trapped under something. And you," he turned to me, and I folded my arms defiantly, "Unless you want to go flying around and dropping at high speeds, I suggest you do the job I assigned you. Is that clear? This is a battlefield, not a party."

"Yes, _sir_ ," I muttered, walking to the other side of the tower, "Battlefield my butt. The only ones fighting are Annie and Eren, and they're fighting _each other_. And what do the rest of us do? Pick up these ungrateful people and bring them to safe places. And I can't even do _that!_ " I scuffed the ground with my foot, dislodging a few stones and watched them bounce off the edge and tumble through the air. My gut twisted.

"It's so _boring_ up here," I complained. I scanned the area, noticing a couple of kids in the street, and I signaled to a soldier as she passed. She came to a halt at my left.

"Down there," I pointed out, "The boy and the girl with the ginger coloured hair."

"Gotcha," the soldier saluted and was off again. I leaned against a pillar holding the roof over the bell. This had to be the most mundane day of my life. At least when I was an assassin I could _sleep_ on my days off.

I casually glanced over at Levi, and was met with a shock: a huge, jagged piece of wood had been kicked up in the titans' scuffle and was hurtling directly towards the Captain. Adrenaline shot through my veins and the world became more defined than ever as I raced towards him.

"Levi!" I screamed, " _Watch out!_ " I leapt, knocking him aside, gasping as I felt the wood slide right through my abdomen.

And I remembered _everything._

The memories came back, as clear as if I'd lived them only yesterday: the Anima that had pulled me from my home, Jellal and the Tower of Heaven, Fairy Tail...and then, another Anima, which had changed halfway and had become the Portal of Truth. _My missing rib_. Truth had taken it! I remembered Solf Kimblee finding me half dead; I remembered _alchemy_. And then, I had passed through the Portal again. Somehow, it had brought me here _._

And, finally, _finally_ , I remembered my name. _Elren Failey._

 _"_ _Axis!"_ I was pulled back to the present by Levi's voice. I blinked, shaking my head. I was leaning against one of the columns, the shard of wood pinning me to it. The agony was _unbearable._ I groaned and coughed, blood spilling from my mouth and splashing to the ground, scarlet flecks spraying across Levi's hand.

"Axis," he repeated, "What happened?"

"I saved your life," I said smugly. I coughed again and smirked, "Do you-do you trust me now?" I drew a shaky breath and my vision wobbled. Levi didn't reply.

"Hey, you," another coughing fit racked my body, jerking it against the wood. I bit my lip, trying not to cry with the pain, and reached toward my neck, "Here."

I removed Gray's necklace and, with great effort, slipped it over Levi's head. He grasped the pendant as it hit his chest, wrapping his fingers around the silver metal. Satisfied, I leaned my head against the wall and closed my eyes. My body felt strangely light-weight. It was comfortable.

"Sorry, sir," I heaved, struggling to choke out every word, "It looks like I'm going to have to...disobey again. I apologize for my- _hng_ -insubordination."

"Huh?"

"You told me not to die," I reminded him. My breath was getting more and more shallow, and I was having a harder time seeing, "But it looks like the universe has other plans for me, and I don't think I have any say in it this time. _Aaah!_ "

I cried out, tears streaming down my face and dripping to the ground, mingling with the rapidly growing pool of my own blood. It was so pretty. I had never given it much though before, but the colour was really very striking, especially against the lighter shade of my uniform.

"I'll forgive you this once," Levi said, voice as gruff as ever, "But don't let it happen again." I spat out more blood and managed a grin.

"Right," I puffed, "Of course not. Can't have that, can we? I mean, what kind of reputation would the Survey Corps get if the public found out that their soldiers just did whatever they pleased? That wouldn't get us anywhere, would it? We're already disliked enough. Can you imagine what people would start saying if we just disobeyed orders whenever we felt like it?"

Levi scoffed, interrupting my nonsensical rambling, and I looked up into his eyes. They were a beautiful dark blue colour, something I hadn't really noticed before. I stared, unable to look away. There was something else in them, something I had never thought I'd see. Was that...grief?

 _You idiot,_ I thought, sucking in a wavering breath, _who gave you the right? I can worry about myself just fine, thanks. I don't need this crap._

I tried to scowl, but it didn't work out so well, and I clenched my teeth against a fresh wave of agony. Gasping, I looked back at Levi and his gaze locked on mine. I felt my heart flutter.

 _Have I been in love with him this whole time?_

I didn't dare look away. I wanted my last sight to be those eyes, even if they were filled with pain. Despite my situation, I managed to give him a cocky half-smile and, exhaling, I let the darkness claim me one final time.


End file.
